Long Journey Home
by hookedontwi
Summary: When we meet Bella & Edward they are high school sweethearts. Edward is forced to move away and takes a long time coming back to her after being in the military. Will time heal wounds and reignite lost love? Will he stay when he learns her secret?
1. High School Sweethearts

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Many thanks to Annanabana, for the wonderful suggestions and support.

This story starts off sweetly, full of young love and the promise of a beautiful future. It won't stay that way.

Canon couples. M for language, sexual sitations and lemons (soon)

Chapter 1 – High School Sweethearts

As I rounded the corner from Spanish, there he was, Edward Cullen, the love of my life. His emerald eyes glinted at me as he waited beside my locker, quickly closing the gap between us. He took my books from me, and grabbed my hand, we walked together to my locker where he opened it and stowed my books, then we headed off to lunch.

I stood behind him in line, enjoying the view. If I leaned into him, my nose would be planted right between his shoulder blades, and I knew from experience just how that would feel. He was muscular but not bulky, unlike my brother. Edward's lean, firm muscles were toned from hours of swimming and running every week. Depending on the season, he was on the soccer and track teams, and Captain of the swim team.

Waiting in line, I imagined I'd removed the long sleeved concert tee he was wearing and run my fingers between the blades of his broad shoulders and down the crease formed by his trapezius muscles. I spread out my hands to cover his firm lats and traced them down towards his ass where his hips narrowed and the muscle disappeared into his pants. I was just about to mentally take those off, too when he brought me out of my trance.

"Pizza, burger or salad?" he asked, smiling at me and winking. It seemed my hand had planted itself on his backside and given him a little squeeze.

"Uh, pizza I guess, thanks." Red crept up my face like sunset on a cloudy day. I'd been busted daydreaming again, and he'd know what was up. He was sure to give me shit about it.

"So," he whispered as we walked to our table, "Getting excited about later?"

_Later_ was both good and bad. My 18th birthday was tomorrow. After school today, I was heading over to the Cullens' to make the final plans for the party. I'd lost a bet, or I never would have agreed to a party willingly. I had _really_ wanted to see Alice go to school in cammo, complete with face paint and all. Oh well, a bet's a bet, and I was no reneger. I would never bet against Alice again, though.

Instead of a garbled verbal answer, I just shrugged my shoulders at Edward, showing him my ambivalence he was sure to understand.

We sat down at the table with Alice, and she immediately began in on the plans. "So Bella, when you get to my house, we'll go through the song playlists one more time, make sure there are no fast-paced-dance-your-ass-off songs immediately followed by a down-and-sexy-makeout-on-the-dancefloor song. We need segues, am I right???"

I giggled at her enthusiasm. As much as I loved Edward, his sister occupied a large space in my heart, too. I leaned in to put a kiss on her spiky haired head and hugged her shoulders.

Edward squeezed my knee, bringing my attention back to him. I took a bite of my pizza as his fingers grazed the inside of my knee. They slid a few inches upwards, and he leaned in to me whispering, "I know what you're really excited about, my love. I'm excited, too." I almost choked.

Edward and I had been together for about six months now, and we were nearly inseparable. When he wasn't in practice for a sport, and when I wasn't editing the school paper, we were together. Only sleep and the occasional parental intervention kept us apart.

I looked at him through my eyelashes as the heat crept back up my neck and face. We'd decided to take our relationship to the next step and were planning on having sex after the party. Alice had asked my parents if I could stay over with her, help her clean up, not be under a curfew, that sort of thing. Of course they knew that Alice's house was also Edward's house, but they'd said yes anyway. Alice had Charlie and Renee wrapped around her little finger. I'd have been jealous if it wasn't so convenient.

Edward and I had been taking our relationship slowly, getting to know one another very well. I knew that he loved me completely, as I did him. He had not been pushing me to the next step, far from it. When I'd brought up my desire to have him completely, he was shocked. He wanted to wait until we'd moved away to college together, saying that he was in it for the long run, and didn't want us to do anything that we'd regret telling our grandchildren. I loved the sentiment, but I didn't think sex with Edward would ever be something we'd regret. It had only taken a few handjobs for him to change his mind and agree to make love with me.

These last few weeks had been hell on Earth. We'd been making out hours a day some days. I swear there was a crease from my shoulder to below my ear where his tongue had traveled so frequently. I started carrying spare panties around with me since mine always ended up.. ah… damp.. by the end of the day. I couldn't imagine going home smelling like sex.

I reached up and kissed Edward fully on the mouth with a firm pressure, letting him know that he was right. He smirked and then turned to Alice. "So, how long will this party planning take, anyway?"

"Oh, I dunno, two, three hours probably. We should be done in time for Bella to make curfew," Alice chirped, taking a bite of her apple.

I glowered at her. "Alice! You know damn well you have it all picked out already and just want my seal of approval on it. Please don't torture me when I have this lovely hunk of a man waiting to kiss me senseless all night. I love ya and all but…"

"Eww!" She squealed. "You're right though Bella. I do have it all picked out. Besides, Jazzy will be coming home tonight. Yay!" Jasper, or Jazzy as she called him, was Alice's long term, long distance boyfriend. He'd graduated last year and moved to Seattle to start college at the University of Washington. He still managed to make it home almost every weekend, though. It was rare for them to spend even two weeks apart.

Edward and I had biology together after lunch. The class broke out into applause as Mr. Banner entered wheeling in the large tv/dvd player apparatus.

As per our usual, Edward and I played hangman.

I had won last time, so it was my turn to go first. I wrote out three blanks followed by an apostrophe and two more blanks for the first word. Seven blanks for the second, a short two letter word and then five blanks for the last word.

_ _ _'_ _ / _ _ _ _ _ _ _ / _ _ / _ _ _ _ _

He looked into my face and guessed "I." I filled in the third and fifth blanks of the second word.

"O" got him the vowel for the first word and he now had _o_'_ _ / _ _ i _ i _ _ / _ _ /

_ _ _ _ _.

He correctly guessed the "Y" and the "U" before fucking it up with an errant "L."

"I'm what?" he whispered to me, and my traitor face blushed as his warm breath hit my cheek. This appeared to amuse him to no end, so he teased me further by dropping his hand to my lap and traced small circles on my thigh.

"You're not playing fair" I complained. Hearing my words, he next guessed the "R" He now had You'r_ / _ ri_i_ _ / _ _ / _ r _ _ y

"Oh no, my dear Bella, I haven't even started driving you crazy yet," I felt his words wash over me as a quiver shocked through my insides.

"My turn, I'll make it easy." _ / _ _ _' _ / _ _ _ _ / _ _ / _ _ / _ _ _ _ _ _ / _ _ _

I guessed "I" correctly, and then guessed the rest of the vowels, landing at least one of each. It read: I / _a _'_ / _ai_ / _o / _e / i_ _ i _ e / _ou

I guessed the easy "Y" and the "t" before I flubbed and guessed an "R." I had I / _a _'t / _ait / to/ _e / i_ _ i _ e / you.

I pondered this for a moment, trying out consonants for the contraction and decided it had to be "can't" _I can't_ _what???_ I needed more so, I guessed the "N" When I saw what he'd filled in, I blushed something fierce.

It read: I / _an't / _ait / to / _e / in_i_e / you. _Oh, fuck me_. I looked up at him, absent mindedly licking my lips. He smirked and snatched the paper away from me, folding it up and putting it into his jeans pocket.

When class finally ended, we practically ran out into the sea of teenage humanity. He pushed me up against a wall of lockers and kissed me roughly. There were a few catcalls and sniggers, but I barely registered them. Next period gym was going to be the end of me. My knees felt too weak to hold my own weight, much less carry me through basketball or volleyball, or whatever other nightmare Coach had dreamed up.

"Meet you by the car, love," Edward mumbled on my lips when the warning bell rang. I turned to leave, relishing the feel of his skin on mine.

As expected gym sucked, but at least I didn't injure anyone. We'd begun a section on cardiovascular health, and as soon as we'd each run one mile, we were allowed to spend the rest of the period to ourselves, "working out." I was no athlete, but I could handle a mile okay and was done pretty quickly. Alice was in gym with me, and we'd jogged together silently, just wanting it to be over. As soon as we were done, we slowed to a walk, continuing our "work out." We talked aimlessly about movies and new albums coming out. We talked about the merits of boy shorts over the trite thongs and about our theses for this semester's English paper. That was us, though, silly one minute and serious the next. I loved her dearly.

The bell rang, and I rushed through changing back into street clothes in a hurry to get to the parking lot. Edward beat me there, of course, and was waiting at the passenger door of his Volvo. I practically ran to him, and when I got there he greeted me with a tight hug. "I've been counting the minutes till I could hold you again."

He kissed me softly and then opened the passenger door for me. We waited another 10 minutes for Alice to show up, looking as good as she did all day. I didn't know anyone else who bothered to shower and dress up again after last period gym.

It was Alice's turn with the iPod today. She picked an old Dave Matthews Band album, and we sang the classics as we drove to the outskirts of town and their home.

Esme, their mom, greeted us all with hugs and asked if we would like snacks. We politely declined the food after each kissing her cheek and thanking her for the offer.

Alice and I set up in the family room, her with her laptop open and iTunes running. She pulled up a playlist creatively titled "Bella's B-Day Party mix." Of course it looked great. She was thoughtful and creative. It looked like she had about 6 hours of music planned. "Oh my God, Alice," I gasped, "How long do you expect this party to last? It's just a stupid birthday party after all."

Alice grabbed me by the chin. "Isabella Marie Swan, this is not just a _stupid birthday party._ This is _your_ 18th birthday, and _I_ am throwing it. We'll be pushing people out the door!"

I hoped that nobody would notice if Edward and I disappeared a little early. I didn't see how I'd ever make it.

Edward strolled in as we were scrolling through the last few songs and wrapped his arms around my waist, placing a warm kiss on my neck. His thumb grazed the side of my breast. I tensed a bit, and he squeezed me harder and grazed again, this time more firmly. A few moments later, when Alice looked down to her computer, he licked the side of my neck and then blew on it softly, sending shivers down my spine and igniting a fire in my panties.

"So what do you think, Bella? Should I add that one too?" Apparently Alice had been talking about something.

"Um, sure, Alice," I said, having absolutely no fucking clue what she was talking about. As soon as she left the room , Edward put his finger up to his pursed lips, pulled on my arm and nodded his head towards the door. I giggled and got up, following him outside.

"Oh, come on you two!" We heard Alice as the front door clicked shut, and we burst into laughter as we ran out of the house and towards the woods that bordered their estate.

These woods were sacred to us. We shared our first kiss here. We exchanged our first I Love Yous here. We confessed our secrets and shared our dreams. It was our safe haven.

Once we got under the cover of the trees, he kissed me passionately, tangling his long fingers in my hair and walking us backwards to a nearby tree. He licked at my lips, asking for entrance. As I'd done so many times before, I opened my mouth hungrily, sucking his tongue in and then caressing his tongue with mine. One of his hands left my hair, seeking out the hem of my shirt. He slipped it inside my shirt, grazing the skin above my hips and moved it to my back, pushing his finger tips into me firmly. His hands roamed my back, grazing up and down, stopping to unhook my bra. I smiled against his lips and reached for the back of his shirt. He broke the kiss, moving his lips down to my bottom lip, then my chin, along my jaw line and wound his way down my neck, across my collar bone and up the other side. While his lips moved along me, his hands were holding us close together and I could feel his stiff erection against my stomach. I groaned loudly, feeling uninhibited in our woods. My hands wee similarly uninhibited, tracing and gently scratching his back and sides. I was tugging at his shirt. I wanted it gone. I rasped out a throaty "take it off."

He leered at me with his smoldering dark green eyes and teased me, "ladies first."

I kissed him once then ran my hands up his chest, inside his shirt and tweaked his right nipple, eliciting a hiss from his parted lips.

I removed my hands from him and grasped the bottom of my navy blue shirt. Its thin cotton was soft in my hands. I hiked it up past my stomach, his glorious hands replacing the fabric on my skin. As I had my arms fully extended above me, I heard the sound of a throat being cleared.


	2. The Party

**A/N: Thanks for reading this little fic. **

**Tons o' love to my beta, annanabanana for her general awesomeness.**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: All Twi stuff is SM's. I'm not that nice…**

**______________________________________________________________**

Ch 2 – The Party

I pushed my shirt back into place quickly, blushing crimson at being caught.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Bella! My poor eyes! I need some fucking brain Drano now, thank you very much. And you, Edward, remove your goddamn hands from my sister. I know you love her and all, but fucking hell!"

"Emmett, why the hell are you here anyway? I thought you weren't coming home until tomorrow." Emmett had moved to Seattle to go to college last year, too. He and Jasper ended up in the same dorm. We missed him at home, but it was so much easier sneaking out now without his overprotective ass always watching.

"I wasn't, but Jasper told me about the party, so I caught a ride home with him." His cheeks were red with embarrassment as he spoke to us over his massive shoulder, back was to us, trying to protect his poor, virgin eyes… as if.

Edward ran his fingers through his ruddy colored hair. "Em, uh, hey man, er, um, how ya doing, umm, nice to see ya, yeah um, welcome home."

Emmett tensed. "Do _not_ speak to me while your hands are on my sister, dude, or you may just lose them. I like you and all, but a guy can only take so much."

"Emmett, calm the fuck down," I said, stomping towards him. I laced my arms around his waist, hugging his 6'4" thick body as tightly as I could, but my hands still didn't reach each other.

He turned around then, smiling, dimples showing, his big blue eyes were happy again. "So, how's your last day as a minor?" He smirked at first but then looked at Edward and blanched, "Never mind… uh, don't answer that. Ew."

I giggled, punching him lightly in the arm. "You're such a dork, Em."

Jasper and Alice showed up a few seconds later, disheveled, arms encircling each other tightly. It was a wonder they could walk straight. "Hi guys!" Alice beamed her greeting. "Everything is set for the party tomorrow. Em, you're bringing Bella over at 5 o'clock sharp. Got it?"

"I _think_ I can handle my only job, so yeah Alice, I got it." He rolled his eyes and practically spat the words at her. "My baby sister only turns 18 once, right?" He squeezed me tightly, picking me up a foot up off the ground.

"Where's Rose? Did she come with you guys?" I peered up at him and then looked around, expecting to see Jasper's twin sister.

"No." He answered quietly, letting go of me. That was odd. I changed the subject; this was obviously not a topic open for discussion.

"What's the dress code for the party Ali?" I asked, thinking through my wardrobe and knowing I only had two options, really. Either jeans or the khaki skirt, if she decided I had to dress up.

"Silly Bella, did you really think I'd leave you to dress yourself? Come inside; I have choices for you in my room." I thought about protesting, but it would've been futile. Alice grabbed me by the arm and tugged on me until I'd started walking with her. I looked back at Edward and blew him a kiss. We started a slow walk back towards the house.

"Gross," Emmett made a gagging gesture.

Edward laughed. "Have fun, Bella. I'll be waiting my love."

"Dude, are your nuts gone entirely or are they just whipped into submission? Wait, don't answer that, I don't want to think about my sister and your nuts in the same thought."

I could hear him mumbling something about needing a smoke as we left them.

"Nah, I get it man," Edward said, continuing, "I have a hard time with that myself, considering that my sister and this numnuts are on each other like flies on shit. It grosses me out."

Alice giggled beside me, and we stepped inside.

After a half hour of Fashion Show Bella, Alice was satisfied that she'd picked out the perfect thing. She hung it back up and hugged me. "This is going to be the best night of your life, Bella, I just know it." She didn't know how right she was.

Edward drove Emmett and I home shortly after Alice was done with me. We caught up with Charlie and Renee and enjoyed a nice meal. It wasn't long before I was sleepy and yawning. My tummy was full, and my family was together. Tomorrow was a big day. I was so happy.

I awoke the next morning bizarrely alert, my brain already in hyperactive mode, planning the day and making lists. I had to be ready at 5, which meant I had to start getting ready by 4, maybe 3:30 to be safe. I was going with Renee to get a massage and a manicure at noon. We'd be back by two, probably. I'd have, what, 2 free hours? I hoped I could keep busy today, or I'd lose my mind.

Hoping to avoid a self-lobotomization, I went to Emmett's door to see if he was awake. His door was already open and he wasn't in there, so I headed downstairs, seeking out my grizzly bear of a brother. I found him in the kitchen, hunting for food, mug of coffee in hand.

"Pancakes or eggs?" I pecked him on the cheek and grinned at him. He beamed back at me, opening his arms wide. I stepped into his welcoming hug, and he kissed the top of my head.

"Happy birthday, Bells. Do you feel any different?" He squeezed me again and then stepped back so he could see my face.

I thought about it for a moment. I felt happy, definitely, but was that different today from yesterday? I shook my head. Now if he asked me that tomorrow… I grinned trying to stifle a giggle.

I dressed in comfy jeans and a green pullover sweater for my trip out with my mom. I was glad she was driving because I was very distracted today. I sat studying my fingers, the rough edges of my cuticles surrounding my too short, ridged nails. What business did I have getting a manicure, anyway? It wasn't like I was the fake nail kinda girl, and I didn't have any natural nail to work with, but it was Renee's birthday gift to me so who was I to argue.

I _was_ looking forward to the massage. She'd booked an hour for me with her masseuse, Victoria. If it had been a guy rubbing all over me I don't think I would've relaxed. I was nervous enough thinking about being naked around Edward.

As Renee and I were soaking our fingers, she asked, "Who will be at the party tonight?" with a knowing grin on her face.

"Emmett, for starters." I was sure she knew that, but I wanted to remind her that I wouldn't be totally unsupervised. "Edward and Alice, obviously, Jasper, Angela and Ben, Jessica, Tyler, Mike probably. I invited Jake, but I don't know if he'll show. Honestly mom, Alice did the majority of the invitations, you should ask her."

"And you're staying the night?"

"Alice said she wanted help cleaning up after." I didn't risk a look up. If I did, I knew she'd see right through me. She'd always said I was an open book.

She opened her mouth to say something when her nail tech started the small drill for her acrylics. Thank fucking god. That conversation was getting worse by the nanosecond.

I selected a color, a deep red, and my nails were done. I had to admit, they looked nice all cleaned up.

As I sat drying, a tall, thin, gorgeous red headed woman walked up to me. "Bella, are you ready? I'm Victoria, you're masseuse this afternoon." There was no fucking way this supermodel of a woman was going to see me naked. I tensed self consciously.

She reached her hands out, squeezed my shoulders and guided me down the hallway to a small room. It was dim, illuminated only by a few candles placed around the room. It smelled divine, like lavender and rain and freshly baked bread. "I hear it's your birthday. Got any special plans?" She smiled at me warmly, her eyes round and welcoming.

"Uh, yeah, my friend Alice is throwing me a party." My voice was still small although my confidence was returning.

"Nice! Party throwing friends are the best!" She grinned at me widely. "I'll step out and let you get yourself situated. Undress to the degree you're comfortable. I'd suggest at least down to your panties. They can be on or off, your choice. Then hop up onto the table, lie down on your belly and cover up with the sheet."

Oh, they'd be on, definitely on. I undressed and then looked down at myself, trying to see what Edward would see later. I could only see my head and shoulders in the small mirror on the wall. I looked okay, my skin was thankfully clear and my eyes weren't puffy. I looked down to my chest, a full B cup, but they looked more like swollen mosquito bites to me. I'd wished upon every fucking shooting star in the sky for bigger boobs. I guessed the cosmos didn't see fit to honor my wish. Continuing my inventory I ran my hand over my fairly flat stomach. I was happy about that. My legs were okay, not much dimpling, although the patches of cottage cheese that I saw grossed me out. I tried time and time again to reason with myself that even supermodels had cellulite, but I was still self-conscious about it. I finally hopped up onto the table and buried myself under the sheet.

It was warm, so warm between the luxurious sheets that I started to relax instantly. I noticed soft music playing in the background. There was a light tap at the door, and Victoria poked her head in, "All ready?"

The next hour was bliss. She skillfully kneaded away the tense muscles in my neck and back, rubbed my feet and even massaged my hands and scalp. I hadn't dreamed it would be this glorious. No wonder Renee came here so frequently.

Victoria made small talk while she rubbed away my self doubt. The conversation inevitably turned to my relationship with Edward. "You love him, don't you?" She asked quietly.

I sighed and raised up to look at her. "I love him completely. Is that weird? I mean I know that I'm only 17, well 18 today, but somehow I just know that he's the one for me. It's like it's ingrained in every cell of my being."

"Honey, life has taught me a few things," she began, "Enjoy your life, enjoy your love, love as many people as you can and then hold onto them. Second guessing yourself will only cause heartache." She paused for a moment. "Bella, your age doesn't matter, and don't let anyone tell you how to feel. I made that mistake once. I've regretted it every minute of every day since." We finished up the hour in silence.

On the way home I was still thinking about her advice. I was a pretty responsible girl, the Chief of police's daughter. I didn't drink, I didn't smoke, I got regular sleep and exercise. I had great grades and a wonderful boyfriend. I was so busy being responsible that I rarely let myself really relax. Those occasions seemed to happen only with Edward..

I made a vow to myself, that for tonight, at least, I'd shed a few inhibitions and really let myself have some fun. I'd dance, I'd sing, maybe I'd even have a drink or two. If Alice wanted a hula hoop contest, I'd participate. If Angela wanted to do a karaoke duet, I'd jump right up. What the hell, why not?

We got home at 2:30. "Going to check my email," I called to Renee as I climbed the stairs to my room. I booted up my laptop and kicked off my shoes.

Forks High was oddly revolutionary in it's perspective on technology. Every student was required to have an email address and a laptop. If a student didn't have their own laptop, the school would provide one. I heard the laptop program had been privately funded a few years ago by a few wealthy benefactors. It was probably Edward's family. I snorted.

Sure enough, I had new mail. There were a few updates from professors making changes to homework assignments, or posting the slides for next week's lectures. I had a few forwards from Emmett, Angela and Alice. There was an email from Jacob and one from Edward. I decided to skip the forwards for now. I read Jacob's first.

_Happy Birthday Bells!! Dad says hi & wishes you a happy b-day too. I'm going to try to stop by the party tonight, but I'm not sure just yet. Dad doesn't know the Cullens, so he's worried about me going there. Whatever. He's such an old fart sometimes._

_I hope to see you, but if I don't, have a beautiful birthday, beautiful._

I smiled. Jacob was such a nice boy, a bit younger than me. Our dads were close friends; we'd kind of grown up together.

I stripped off my shirt, slid out of my jeans and then opened Edward's email.

_To my sexy Bella on her 18__th__ birthday,_

_This will be the first birthday of many that we will share together, this I know. We will never have another first time together, though, and I want you to know that I am so excited, not just because of how it'll feel physically, but also because I know that it will bring us even closer. It's hard to imagine that such a thing could be possible, but I know that after we have been together, sexually, that somehow our bond will be even stronger. Impenetrable. _

_Hehe, I said penetrate. Mushy stuff aside, I can't fucking wait to see you completely naked. I've had so many fantasies about having you in my bed, naked, dripping wet, waiting for me, for us…. So beautiful. Bella, I'm going to do stuff to you that you've never even dreamed of. I'm going to cover every inch of your skin with my hands, taste every inch of you with my tongue. You're going to come so hard and so often you'll need both hands to keep track. I won't stop until you're so far gone that you can't remember your own name and you've moaned mine out over and over again. I promise love, it'll be a night you'll never forget._

_I can't wait to see you._

_Love you._

I squeezed my thighs together a little, becoming aware of a pulsing below my waist. It was time for a shower.

As I lathered up, I imagined it was his hands running over my body, caressing me gently. I imagined his lips on my neck, shoulders and breasts. A tweak of my nipple was his doing. The fingers in my hair were his. His hands were slipping down my abdomen seeking the soft curls between my legs. I shivered but then the next second I was burning, literally.

"Sorry, Bells," Emmett shouted from the other side of the bathroom door that separated our Jack n Jill style bathroom.

"Fuck" I mumbled, sorry for the loss of the fantasy. I quickly finished up and got out.

Back in my room, hair ensconced in a towel swirled up on my head, I looked at the dress hanging on the back of my door. The weather had managed to stay farm for Forks, so she had picked a sleeveless royal blue dress, which fell to just above my knee. The neckline formed a moderate V, and the snug fitting bodice was darted under my breasts, creating an amazingly small looking waist. It was the most conservative thing she'd offered me. She'd pinned a list of things for me to bring to the hanger. This girl was good.

I looked at the note. _Bella, since you're you, I thought you could use a reminder to bring a change of clothes for tomorrow, maybe a toothbrush, hairbrush, deodorant, shoes to go with tomorrow's outfit, and if you're planning on staying virginal, pj's, otherwise you can skip that part! Love, Ali._

I blushed. She knew everything….ugh, well of course she knew, somehow she always did.

At 4:00 I started working on my hair, I rubbed some product into it that was supposed to make it shiny, soft and manageable. I brushed it out and blew it dry, hoping for the smoothness the product promised. No such luck. I gave up 30 minutes later, suddenly in a rush. I put on the dress and the sling back heels she'd picked out for me. I applied a little eye liner, shadow and mascara and then painted on some lip gloss. I grabbed my overnight bag and headed down stairs, relatively satisfied with myself.

Emmett was waiting for me, clothed in black jeans and a Wash U sweatshirt. I wondered if Alice would send him home to change. "You're wearing that? Alice will flip."

"What do I care what that pixie thinks? I'm fine."

I shrugged, "Your funeral."

We arrived at 5:00 sharp, but that didn't stop Alice from pacing on the front porch, waiting.

She looked fabulous, as usual. She had on a red micro mini skirt and a sculpted cream colored top that showed off her beautiful neck, lithe arms and more than a little cleavage. She wore red stilettos too, of course.

She looked at my brother when he rose from the car. Her nostrils flared. "Emmett! What the hell are you wearing? You can't show up to one of my parties in a sweatshirt. Honestly! Go home and change into something acceptable like a nice collared shirt or a button down."

She looked me over once and nodded curtly. "Bella, you actually look pretty good. You could use a little more make up though. Did you enjoy your massage?"

"Sure did, short stuff. Victoria was wonderful. I felt all jelly-like after she was done with me."

"That won't be the last time today you'll feel that way," came a deep, sexy voice from the doorway.

"I'm gonna puke," Emmett muttered.

"Ew, Edward," Alice shrieked.

I just blushed and looked him over. He was so beautiful I could barely find it in myself to blink. He was dressed simply in a tight fitting navy button down shirt with a white tee underneath, jeans and black leather boots. It didn't matter what he wore, Edward could be totally naked and still be beautiful. Actually, that would probably be better. Much better.

"Happy Birthday, Bella!" He sprinted over to me, scooped me up in his arms and swung me around. After three revolutions, he put me down, my back against his shiny silver Volvo. I giggled like a six year old and squeezed my arms around his neck. His smile changed from one of elation to one of seduction.

Leaning in, he whispered into my ear, "God, you look good enough to eat. Hmmm, actually," a sly smile formed on his lips, "Before this night is through, I _will_ taste every single part of you." His hands inched down from my waist to my hips and cupped my ass. His nose traveled up my neck, then his teeth grazed my earlobe, his tongue darted inside my ear and his warm breath sent shivers down my spine as he quietly growled, "you smell delectable, too."

I stood there turning into a Bella-puddle in front of my brother and his sister. I prayed that Emmett and Alice were out of sight. My quaking knees found some strength as a small bubble of courage surfaced long enough for me to peek around Edward's shoulders. Emmett was close, too close. I hoped he hadn't seen, much less heard, what all had just gone on here. From the look on his face, though, I figured he'd at least gotten the gist of it. Fuck.

In hushed tones from beneath Edward's chin I eeked out, "Emmett looks pissed. We gotta figure out a way to chill him the hell out." He started to turn his head in the direction I was looking, "No! Don't look, dumbass, he'll know we're talking about him. You, uhh, should kiss me again, you know, as a cover." I giggled a little and he bent down and kissed my lips softly.

"I don't need any more reason to kiss you Bella. Everything about you draws me in." His voice was like velvet, strong, smooth, wrapping around me like a dream.

"Uh, Edward, um, Jasper says that the three of us have errands to do. Something about a beer run and plastic forks." Emmett was right behind him now and his hand was firmly clasping Edward's shoulder. "Alice is waiting for you Bells."

I kissed Edward once more, chastely on the lips, and ducked out from under his arm heading towards Alice. We locked arms and headed inside.

The house looked great. The overheard lights were off, but there were tons of rope lights in various colors hanging from the ceiling and even some forming shapes on the walls. I loved the one that made the yin-yang symbol, Edward's doing, I'd bet. There was also a bell shaped one, which had to be courtesy of Alice.

People started showing up shortly after the boys had returned from their chores.

Carlisle and Esme came downstairs after a bit and greeted everyone. Everyone sang happy birthday to me, and I blew out the candles on the beautiful cake, yellow cake with chocolate fudge icing, my favorite. It was decorated with both fresh flowers and candy ones. I loved it. Alice, of course, had wanted something more elaborate, but I pled with her to let me win this one as it really was my favorite; anything else would have been a bit of a disappointment. She couldn't argue with that.

After the embarrassing birthday part of the birthday party was over, Carlisle and Esme disappeared. Carlisle winked at Edward, and Esme grinned at Alice and me. They'd be upstairs, but unless there was a fire or gunshots, they'd stay up there. It was likely they knew about the booze but they didn't put up any resistance. I guessed they were just happy that their kids were home and safe.

Edward walked me over to the cooler and motioned towards the red fruit laden punch with a shrug of his shoulders. I shrugged back, so he scooped some up into a ubiquitous red plastic cup. I tasted it. It was sweet and cold. There was a weird, lingering, numbing sensation that kinda reminded me of what nail polish remover must taste like. I smiled a bit and took another sip. Edward grabbed a beer.

We lounged around out back listening to Alice's music selections. When a favorite song came on, Alice rand out and pulled me out of Edward's lap, into the area inside where a few people had started dancing. I'm not sure if it was my vow to let loose, the thumping of the bone shivering bass or cups of the liquid courage, but I danced my ass off with her. I was twirling and gyrating and shaking what the good lord gave me and laughing so hard when the song stopped that I hadn't noticed the large body standing behind me. "Another dance?" I asked, mid-turn. Expecting Alice, my nose instead found itself up against a dark chin. The owner's cheeks were pulled up, presumably smiling.

"What the…" I shrieked, startled. Then I looked up. "Jake! You made it after all!" I squealed at him, clapping my hands. Looking for her, I yelled, "Alice, have you met Jacob? We've been friends since forever, well, Charlie and his dad are like BFFs, we used to make mud pies together, or so I'm told." I hiccupped, then burped and then broke out into a vicious round of giggles. Alice looked at me, then at him and raised a sculpted eyebrow.

"Nice to meet you Jacob, I'm Alice Cullen, Bella's best friend and Edward, her boyfriend's, sister." I rolled my eyes at Alice a little.

"Wow, Alice, what an amazingly thorough introduction." I grabbed Jake's hand and started back outside. "Come on, let's get you a drink and introduce you around."

I walked through the glass doors facing the woods behind the house, still leading Jacob by the hand. Edward saw me first and grinned hugely, and then he saw Jacob and our interlocked hands. He rose immediately with a quizzical expression on his face and curiosity in his eyes.

I tugged Jake towards Edward. "Jake, this is my Edward, uh, Edward Cullen; Edward, this is my old friend Jacob Black." They sized each other up a bit. Edward smirked and spoke first. "Any friend of my love is a friend of mine. Welcome, Jacob." He offered his hand.

Jake looked at me and dropped my hand to shake Edward's.

"Can I get anybody a drink? I'm getting one." I wanted to encourage the civility.

"Sure, what ya got?" Jacob said, smiling now. "I'll take a beer if you have it."

"Coming right up. Edward, need a fresh one?"

"Let me get it, honey. It's your birthday. You should be waited on, not waiting on others." He kissed me with an open mouth and then walked off towards the coolers. Jacob winced a little.

I touched my lips and then remembered that I wasn't alone. "What've you been up to, Jake? How's school?" He proceeded to tell me about the banalities of life on the Rez, about his latest project car and about the new dog they'd adopted, Sam.

When Edward returned, he handed Jake his beer, still capped, and my drink to me. He'd also gotten a new one for himself, uncapped. He sat on a white lawn chair and pulled me down onto his lap.

"So, Jacob, Bella tells me that you like to surf." Edward took a sip of his beer and then put it down beside him and brushed the hair off of my neck. Jacob was trying to unscrew the cap from his beer, and then realized that he'd need an opener. He shot a quick glare over to Edward and then wedged the top up under the edge of the chair and gave it a pop. The cap fell to the ground.

"Uh, yeah, there's good surfing out at First Beach. The guys and I go out pretty much every weekend until winter is too harsh. You could join us sometime…if you, ah, surf... Bella, you could come too, but you should probably just stick to the beach. Your klutzy ass would probably get pulled under by the tide and would require mouth to mouth."

"Hardy-har-har," I groaned, chucking a piece of ice at him from my drink.

Edward sniggered, I wasn't sure who he was laughing at and who he was laughing with. "Yeah man, just let me know sometime. Maybe Jasper and I will join you. Jasper is Alice's boyfriend," he explained.

"Having a nice birthday, Bells? What're you drinking? You'd better be careful." Poppa Emmett had appeared outta nowhere, again. He really needed to stop doing that shit.

"For fucks' sake, Em, would you go find some tail to chase or some weed to smoke or something to drink, or, fuck, all three. Just chill the fuck out! You're making me nuts. What's the matter with you anyway? You've never cared about my drinking before."

His face fell a bit but he said, "Don't worry about it, Bells. I'm good. You're right, I'm being uptight. I'll try to relax. I think I saw a Wii in there. I think I'll grab a beer and con some oblivious fucker into a little challenge. Mario Kart, maybe." He stopped at the cooler and then headed inside. It was too weird, I hadn't seen him hit on anyone all night. I needed to find out what the deal was with him.

The party had started to wind down a bit. People were quieter, mostly having paired off, huddled into corners or couches or sprawled out on the stairs. Jacob looked around uncomfortably and then turned to look at Edward and me. Edward's arms were wrapped around my ribs. I caught Jacob's eyes grow wide as Edward's thumb grazed a breast.

"Uhh, I think I'm gonna get going, Bells. Um, happy birthday. Thanks for inviting me. Nice to meet you Edward." He walked over to us, placed a kiss on the top of my head and then turned and left.

"One down, forty to go. Do you mind if we go inside for awhile? I'd like to survey the damage and maybe dance with this incredibly hot woman I've been watching all night."

I pulled his head down and put my lips on his. At first we exchanged soft, slow kisses, soon my lips were opening of their own accord. My tongue shot out to lick my bottom lip, licking his at the same time. He pulled me tighter to him and opened his mouth for me. I could taste the beer on him, and the malty, hoppy flavor mixed incredibly with the fruity and sweet in my mouth. It was intoxicating. We kissed each other deeply, taking turns exploring each other's mouths and alternating the angles of our necks and noses, constantly exploring and delighting. I could feel him growing hard under me as I sat on his lap. He groaned into my mouth.

I smiled a silly smile and kissed him on the forehead. "Okay, let's go in." I stood up, but he didn't follow. I looked at him confusedly. "I thought you wanted to go in."

"I did. But I, err, need a few moments to compose myself." He leered at me with dark eyes and a strained expression. "You're going to be the death of me tonight, you know that, right?"

I chugged the rest of my drink, the third? fourth?, and strode over to him confidently, straddling his lap. "Oh no, Edward, you're not getting out of tonight that easily. You made me some promises I intend for you to keep." I pushed up off of his lap, my hands running down his rock hard chest and abs. I turned and walked inside.

I found Alice, three sheets to the wind, nestled up on Jasper's lap. She had one hand up the front of his shirt and the other around his neck, fingers in his hair. She was talking animatedly about something I couldn't hear when she saw me and smiled. In one breath she said, "Having fun Bella? Cause I sure am. Wanna dance again? Jazzy won't dance with me, at least not to fast songs, he says he has a private dance for me later, but he won't show me right now. I think I needa nother drink. Jazz, will you get me and Bella drinks please, baby?"

I giggled. "Alice, You're feeling no pain, are ya honey?" I wrapped my arms around her as we started swaying to the music. It started off as a pretty slow one, but after a few seconds, it was over, and a faster song came on. "I thought you had segues, Alice?"

"Silly Bella, the segues are only necessary from fast to slow. You don't need them to go from slow to fast." She looked totally serious too, like she'd put a lot of thought into this, so I just smiled at her and smacked the heel of my hand against my forehead, rolling my eyes at myself. She grinned widely; her eyelids low on her eyes, and then put her hands on my hips and started pushing them to the beat, getting me dancing. It seemed like I was dancing anyway, to be honest I was pretty numb.

We were into it by the time Jasper returned with the drinks. I saw him come up behind Alice and grind his body into hers. I giggled loudly, stumbling back, still dancing to the beat. Alice's eyes shot open, but she just kept on dancing.

I felt a large hand on my stomach, pulling me backwards into a broad chest and steel arms. Muscular thighs appeared beside my left leg and between the left and right. "So fucking sexy." Warm breath floated over my skin followed by a wet tongue down the side of my neck.

I tried to turn around, but the hand on me tightened, keeping me in place. His hips were moving to the beat of the music. His hand roamed my stomach, out to my hip, down my thigh and then crossed over at the center to the other thigh. I let out a loud breath and pushed back into his groin. He hissed; his hands didn't stop making the circuit from thigh to thigh, hip to abdomen, over and over again. The circuits were getting progressively more and more focused on the thigh to thigh transition, the heel of his hand pressing hard into me, sometimes a finger or two would dip into the space between them.

When the song ended, he handed me my drink. I put it to my lips, my eyes never leaving the hard emeralds that were boring into my soul. He finished his beer, his fifth? sixth?, and put his empty bottle down, watching me drink.

When I'd finished, he tugged me over to the couch, seating me on the cushion and kneeling before me, hands around me and clasped behind my back.

"What do you want me to do to you first?" His voice was low, seductive.

"Mmmm" The sound escaped from my lips without any thought. "First, I want you to kiss me here," pointing to my neck. He leaned into me, his face lost in my hair. His warm moist lips found the soft skin of my neck under my ear. He kissed me softly. I was really starting to enjoy the sensation of his tongue licking me when he started to suck on the same spot. I wondered if it would leave a mark. That was no gentle suck.

"And here," pointing to my lips. His head crept up my neck to my jaw. I felt his eyelashes swipe over my cheeks and his hot breath over my lips. I opened my eyes to hind find him staring me down. His lips were parted, his cheeks flushed pink. His lips crashed down onto my waiting mouth, already open. His tongue plunged through my lips, seeking my eager counterpart. Our tongues danced a slow, rhythmic dance that rocked my body, making the muscles in my stomach and legs tighten.

"Here," I breathed out between kisses, pulling one of his hands onto my breast.

A low, gravelly, guttural sound escaped his lips as his palm slipped up my rips, cupping me, fingers slowly kneading the flesh.

"You guys better take that shit elsewhere. Emmett will fucking freak!"

My eyes hadn't opened yet, but his kisses and hands had stopped. "Wha…?" Edward said looking over his shoulder.

"I don't think that Emmett would appreciate walking in here to find you two dry humping on the sofa. Dude, get a room." Jasper kicked Edward's boot and then walked off.

"That sounds like a fine idea to me. Are you ready my love?"

His hands encircled my waist, lifting me gently until I was standing. The room spun, just a little, but he steadied me. "Let's go." I said, smiling hugely and winking at him.

We snuck to the stairs, laughing together, keeping an eye out for Emmett.

He tripped a bit on the second stair. I thought I was going to pee myself, laughing so hard.

He scowled at me for a second, then grinned and burst out laughing himself.

Somehow we managed to make it up the rest of the stairs without incident. He opened the door for me. I stepped though, pausing a moment to look back at him, the man I loved, the man who would take my virginity. I couldn't have been any happier.

**A/N**

**Ooohhh no sexin' yet… It'll come soon enough, I promise that…**

**Thanks for reading, this is my first venture into writing and I am desperate to hear what the readers (all like 3 of ya) are thinking. **

**Leave a review & I'll send a sneak peek**


	3. Inarticulate, LoveStruck Fool

**A/N – First off I want to thank all of the lovely people who have read the story so far, especially those folks who leave a review, no matter what it says. I really appreciate them all.**

**This chapter covers one night - their first time. LEMON ahoy, mateys! It's kinda short, I know, but my fucktabulous beta, annanabanana and I thought it was the best way to go. Speaking of fuctabulous betas, anna, this story is a pile of drool without you. Heaps of thanks to hunterhunting, for prereading this chappie and offering great suggestions, I was (am!) nervous as fuck. If you aren't reading their fics, you should be. Links are in my favorites.**

**A/N over, read and enjoy (and review!)**

**Disclaimer: All Twi stuff is SM's. I'm not that nice…**

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CH 3 – Inarticulate, Love-Struck Fool

His mouth was on my neck before I knew what was going on. His hands were under the skirt of my dress, cupping my ass. My hands tugged at the hem of his shirt and once it was loose I started unbuttoning it.

Hot breaths were panted onto faces, open mouths landed kisses wherever lips met skin.

He walked us backwards further into the room, pausing for a moment to finish removing his shirt. We kissed again, his tongue ravishing my mouth. His hands moved to the bodice of my dress, pulled at the shoulders and pushed the straps down my arms while his mouth left mine to cover every inch of my newly exposed skin. Soon I stood before him in a blue lace bra, the top of my dress draped loose at my waist.

He still wore his white tee. _Unacceptable_. I fisted the shirt and pulled him close. My hands ran under the cotton of his shirt, up his sides and traced along his ribs until I met the joint at his arms. I yanked it upwards, and he got the hint; Edward took the wadded up material from me and finished the job of making his torso naked.

Seeing him now, like this, buzzed, horny and half naked made my mind swirl, and I didn't know where to start or what to do first. My lips crushed against the firm plane of his chest while my hands swept along his back. _Not enough_. My hands now ranged his chest, neck, arms and back frantically, desperate to feel everything; my mouth gravitated to a nipple, desperate to taste everything.

He let out a throaty sound, and his hands pulled my face up towards his.

He kisses and sucked at the space below my ear, tonguing hard circles into the flesh. His bare chest rubbed against my lace covered breasts, making my nipples hard.

It was enough to overcome me, but neither his mouth, nor the sensation of his warm skin on mine, could rival the amazing touch of his glorious, strong hands. They were everywhere, squeezing my ass, groping my breasts, running up and down my sides and nestling in the hair at the back of my neck. I felt completely possessed by his touch. I fucking loved it. _I needed more. Now._

My hands flew to his waist, a finger slipped under the waistband of his jeans. He hissed and stumbled back a bit. "Ungh, fuck," I thought I heard him grunt.

He bent down and picked me up my butt rested against his forearms, and my chest was now at his face level. He smiled and started to walk slowly; he never stopped his kisses up and down my neck and across my breasts.

He set me down on the bed and pushed me back. I landed a little hard, having no grace left in me. I closed my eyes for a second, opening them when the room spun behind my eyelids. Ugh, maybe that last drink was too much. I didn't want to puke, not just because of the grossness of it, but because I didn't want to miss a minute of this epic, hopefully cherry-popping, night. I vowed to keep my eyes open from that moment on, killing two birds with one stone.

He crawled onto the bed beside me, lay on his side, positioned himself for easy access. He took a nipple into his mouth, sucking hard. It kinda hurt; I let out a little gasp.

He let go, chuckled a bit and looked up at me a little embarrassed, "Sorry love, I guess I got a little carried away."

"No, don't stop, it just surprised me. I like it."

That was all the direction he needed. This time, though, his tongue traced paths around the firm globe of my breast, and orbited the nipple slowly on a torturous path which took forever to reach the hard pink flesh that waited for his hot mouth.

As his lips and tongue performed their magic, his hands ran up and down the tops of my thighs, massaging them. After a few slow strokes, his fingers turned inward to brush the inside of my knees and up the tender skin on the inside of my legs, causing goose bumps to rise. As the pace of his hands quickened, their predestined course set, he turned his head to watch their progress. When his index finger made contact with my panties, I let out a loud whoosh of air; his head snapped back to look at me.

His eyes were dark, and his lips were parted. He watched my face as his fingers danced around the cotton swath of my underwear, quickly running a finger to their edge and under the elastic. I shivered and licked my lips.

He kissed my hungry mouth again for a moment, and then made a trail of kisses back to my nipples. He sucked on them while his hands roamed about between my legs. My body responded lustfully.

He turned his gaze back to me. "Can I touch you?" he asked, his voice rough and thick with lust, the words barely more than a whisper.

It was too much to comprehend fully. I was an inarticulate, love-struck fool; all I could do was nod.

His fingers moved to the top of my panties and tugged. I pushed my hips up; he rose to his knees and pulled the blue satin panties down, removing my shoes along the way.

When he was done, he didn't return to my side; instead, he faced the other direction. I was confused. He looked at me over his shoulder and told me, "I want to watch." He started his ministrations hesitantly; his flat palm rubbed me gently for a stroke or two, and then the passes were more firm. He had the most amazing look on his face as he watched himself work on me. It held a little bit of amazement, part pride and a shit ton of pure, unadulterated lust.

My brain was conflicted; I missed kissing him and wanted to hold onto him, but what was going on down _there_ with his hands was mind blowing. Wavering, I reached out to touch any part of him that I could. My hands found denim. I frowned. "Edward, take off your pants. I need skin," I demanded unapologetically.

He rose silently, undid his belt and unbuttoned his jeans. He pulled them down quickly, but kept his green boxer briefs on. He returned to the bed, rested on his elbow, and again, his head was by my knees, eyes on the prize.

He leaned over, kissed the inside of my thigh and used his head to nudge my legs further apart. He ran a finger over me, tracing the path of my wetness before he pressed a fingertip inside to explore.

We groaned together as soon as his skin made contact with my soft, slick, swollen flesh.

"Oh my God, Bella. I can't believe this is finally happening. Shit, I can't think straight."

"Shh, baby, you don't need to think about it. This shit is instinctual; just do what comes naturally." I reached out and stroked his back, placing a kiss between his shoulder blades. My fingers danced down his spine as I resumed my prone position.

With that, his finger explored my folds faster, and when he passed close to my entrance, I sucked in my bottom lip, holding it with my teeth.

"You like that, do you?" He asked, knowingly. He didn't wait for a response; just went back to work, teasing me more.

Without warning, the finger which had been making elliptical laps around my opening plunged inside. I moaned loudly before I clapped a hand over my mouth in embarrassment.

As he watched his fingers slide in and out of me, his face contorted, almost like he was in pain. This worried me; I knew that there might be some pain on my part later, but what was that all about?

"Are you okay?" I asked, momentarily lucid.

He looked at me confused, "Huh? Ya, of course, why?"

"You look like you're in pain."

He smiled a little at me. "Well, my dick is throbbing, and I have my finger inside my girlfriend's pussy. So, uh, well, ya, the dick thing is uncomfortable, but I'm pretty fucking unbelievably great."

He grinned and started moving his finger around inside, testing the boundaries of my walls. When he reached up towards the top, I quivered.

"Interesting." He said as he repeated the action and got the same response.

He pumped in and out, and he did that finger thing over and over again until I thought I was going to lose my mind. I forgot I was trying to be quiet; moans escaped my mouth all too regularly now.

"Baby, I think…. Ungh… I think….oooh yeah…mmmm…I think I'm cl –uh-ose." God, I could barely think straight enough to get that much out.

Then he stopped.

I looked up to see what the hell he was doing, and found him knelt down in front of the bed, his face between my legs. I panicked and tried to scoot myself away from him. "No, I was great; you don't need to do _that_."

"Bella, please let me. I have been dreaming about this for months. Please baby, please." He looked up at me from between my legs, eyes pleading, and searched my face for permission; his fingers, having resumed their exploration, teased me into submission. I forgot why I had been alarmed, and lay back down with a shit-eating grin on my face. He could do whatever the fuck he wanted to do to me, and I'd love every second of it. I was his in _every_ way.

When his tongue touched me, I didn't know what to do. His fingers were dancing around and pushing inside and his tongue was on me too. It was too much. My body shook uncontrollably. He looked up at me with those green eyes and then started to lick downward to where his fingers were.

If I thought his hands were sent from heaven, _jeeze fuck, his tongue_…it was hot and smooth and strong and gentle and playful and serious and, my god, it was _everywhere_.

I had never imagined this feeling in my entire life. Muscles started to clench up in my legs, stomach and lower. My hips rocked of their own volition, head thrashed from side to side; my hands clenched in his hair.

"Mmmm," he murmured, and the vibration sent a new wave through me. Our eyes locked for a split second.

"Oh my God, Edward. I've never, I mean, I didn't know… I…." The words escaped as gasps.

Suddenly, the pressure inside me grew. I looked down; he was leaning on an elbow, so he could watch his fingers again. His eyes darted between my face and my crotch. He quickened the pace of his hand; then his mouth was on me, and I was gone.

The world disappeared. There was only feeling; every feeling I could ever imagine at once. My body clenched around his fingers, my hands pulled hard on his hair. I let go of everything and just felt: his skin on my skin, the sensation of air entering and leaving my lungs, the texture of the blanket beneath me, the release of all of my fears and inhibitions.

"Edward, baby, thank you. That was, wow. Amazing. You were amazing. Kiss me. Please," I gasped the words out, one word per windy exhalation, and tried to slow my heart.

He climbed up my body and placed his arm over my chest as his face hovered over mine. "Bella, you're the amazing one. I feel so lucky to have you. I love you so much." That didn't help the racing heart thing.

When he kissed me, I could taste myself on his lips. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

I cupped his face and enjoyed the long slow kiss. He moved to change the angle to deepen the kiss, and I became really aware of his hard cock pressing into my hip. I couldn't help but smile.

"What's so funny?" He asked.

"It, uh, seems you have a present for me." I flirted, my eyes darting down towards our hips.

"Well, it _is_ your birthday after all. Care to unwrap it?"

I pushed him onto his back and myself up to a seated position; I ran a hand over his chest and abs, stopping just short of where he wanted them to be. I climbed over him, straddling his waist. I leaned forward, my hair formed a curtain around us as I dipped in for a kiss. I moved over his jaw to his ear, and down his neck.

Scooting myself down him, I placed kisses along his chest, on both nipples, across his flat stomach and down his sides until my feet could reach the end of the bed, and I could stand up. I pushed down my dress which had bunched up around my waist and unhooked my bra, standing completely nude.

Although his jeans were off, I realized he still had socks on. This struck me as hysterically funny, seeing his perfect legs stuffed into the black socks. Laughing, I pulled them off, trying to get them off in one fell swoop but failing, and I had to tug a few times, which only served to make me laugh harder.

He smirked at me and said, "Uh, Bella, that _wasn't_ the gift I was intending for you to unwrap, unless you have a foot fetish that I don't know about."

I flung a sock at him. "You fucker, there's no making fun of me on my birthday."

"I'm not a fucker yet, Bella, although I can't wait for that to be an appropriate title." He said it seriously; his voice dripped with desire.

All giggles were gone now, and I stepped towards the bed. I leaned over, ran my hands up his muscular legs, hooked a finger inside his boxer briefs and pulled. He complied, of course, lifting his hips up to free his ass from the underwear, and I guided them gently over his straining erection, freeing him of them altogether.

I'll admit, I was stunned. I mean, I had seen penises before, like on babies and statues

and in National Geographic and even in a few movies, but I had never _seen_ one.

I guess he caught me staring. "So, what do you think of your present?"

I giggled, "You are so cheesy; is that the best you can come up with?"

He chuckled at me, "Oh, little Bella, let me show you exactly what I can come _up_ with." His silly smile disappeared; he licked his lips, grabbed my hands and pulled me down on top of him.

He ran his hands up and down my back and ass; his strokes became harder, grinding my body onto his. I felt his hardness between my thighs.

He pulled up his body so that our mouths were parallel. He kissed me roughly, plunging his tongue into my mouth in long sweeping strokes.

He rolled us over onto our sides, his free hand moved to my ribs and he grabbed a handful of my breast. He bent down and sucked the nipple, grazing it with his teeth as his hand wandered away, seeking the heat between my legs. His fingers dipped inside me, making me groan.

"Oh, God, you're still so wet."

"Mmm, that feels so good," I said, as I moved to kiss his Adam's apple, his collar bone, his perfect chest. My free hand moved down his stomach and wrapped itself firmly around him.

He threw his head back, cursing softly.

I took that as a good sign and began moving my hand around him, learning him. The skin was so soft. I hadn't expected that. It was smooth, and I noticed a vein that traveled down the length of the shaft. He was thicker than I'd imagined but I'd guessed right about the length. Perfect. My hand moved up the shaft and grazed the tip, and he moaned a little. _Mmmm_, he liked it. I did this a few times more until he grunted "Please, harder."

Quite satisfied with myself, I tightened my grip and started moving my hand up and down again. This time, when I grazed the tip, I found a few drops of liquid. As I fingered the little puddle he moaned, this time much, much louder. Watching his face, I swept my finger over the tip again, and he shuddered. _Ooh, this was good_…after that sweep across, my hand traveled back down his shaft. My grip was firm as he'd instructed. I came back up, swept the top and back down again, over and over.

It was only a few minutes before his eyes popped open, boring into mine. "Bella, ungh, you gotta stop, oh god, or I'm gonna, oh shit, Bella, really baby."

I felt overcome by my power. I'd made him quiver, literally. I loved that shit and didn't want to stop. When his dick twitched in my hand, he knocked my hands away.

He sat up, pushed me back and kissed me hard. He moved to both nipples, down my belly and circled my belly button with his tongue. He looked at me and then crawled over me, putting one knee between mine. I wrapped my leg around him, bringing his other leg to rest between my thighs. His fingers were down there again, sweeping around and then dipping inside me briefly. He groaned.

"Bella, I love you so fucking much baby. I want you so badly, so fucking badly. I don't want to wait any more." He wore a look of desperation on his face, maybe he was worried I was going to back out, that I'd reject him now when he needed me.

I was committed to him, to this; plus I was horny and wanted him too. I nodded my head and braced myself, waiting for the pain. He positioned himself at my entrance and then rested his weight on both hands at either side of my shoulders. I felt myself being stretched near the entrance. He was in, at least a little. He moaned loudly, cussing again, and then pushed a little further in. Further, still no pain. He looked at me, cocked an eyebrow and smiled. I grinned back.

He pulled back again, and his eyes rolled back into his head. He pushed into me harder this time, not pausing, in one long fluid motion. That felt kinda good, not as good as what he'd done with his fingers and mouth, but I liked it.

Sweat from his hair fell onto me. "Ooohhh Bella, oooh my god," He panted loudly, his eyes clamped shut, the muscles in his shoulders tight. He clenched his jaw, pumped into me once more and froze; his body shook a moment later. His face contorted into the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I guess this was his cum face.

He collapsed onto me, his breath heaving and skin slick with sweat. I loved the feel of his weight on me. It was so intimate, so beautiful, a confirmation of our love and closeness.

When he moved off of me a minute or two later, I mourned the loss of his body on mine. I snuggled up to him; he wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head.

I closed my eyes, breathing in his scent. It was different tonight; there was the Edward smell that was ingrained on my soul, but there was also something new and wonderful. It was the smell of us.

I fell into a coma-like sleep, my head on Edward's chest, our legs intermingled.

After what seemed like just a few minutes, I felt him stirring and cracked my eyelids open, sunlight streamed in through the windows.

He hugged me in tightly. "Good morning ma'am," he teased. "Did you sleep well?"

I smiled and hugged him back. "It was the best ten minutes of sleep in my life, at least it felt that short. I guess I slept really hard. What time is it?"

"It's time for me to make up for last night," he smirked at me.

I looked at him, confused. "What do you mean? Last night was amazing, wonderful, mind blowing. I loved every minute."

"Every minute? What? All of both of them? I just couldn't stop it from happening, I'm so sorry."

It _had_ been over much faster than I'd anticipated. "Edward, don't worry about it. I love you. Besides, you'd already given me, well, you know, earlier."

"Bella, I was a two-pump chump. If the guys ever found out…"

"It was three, and who the fuck is going to tell them? Not me…" I argued back at him, not letting him feel guilty for his reactions.

"Still, I think I can do better, care to experiment?" He winked at me and smiled my favorite crooked smile.

How could I resist?

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**E/N – So there it is, their first time. Whaddya think? **

**What was your first time like, did you see the fireworks you expected?**


	4. Better than Christmas

A/N: Thank you all for the support in this story. There have been a lot of new story update alerts and favorites and I really appreciate that folks are wanting to read more. Extra hugs for the reviewers.

Annanabanana, you da best beta, eva.

Please see the end note before you blast me too much.

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Cliff's notes: Bella just celebrated her 18th birthday. She and Edward jumped into their birthday suits and celebrated in true teenagers in love style. Yum.

Emmett was not too pleased by their physical relationship. Jacob appeared at the party but left rather early.

Disclaimer: SM owns everything Twilight.

Chapter 4 – Better than Christmas

I now had personal, first-hand knowledge of the wonder that was morning wood. That shit was awesome. Edward wasted no time. He rolled over on top of me and secured his lips firmly to my neck. He sucked with wild abandon. I was sure it would leave a mark. His stiff erection pressed between my thighs; his hips drew slow circles, as he moved himself around me, side to side, forwards and back. I was hot and horny within minutes of waking up.

My fingers wound into the hair at his temples and my thumbs slowly massaged his scalp. After a few moments, my hips mimicked his hips as they sought to gain maximum friction. We were still naked from the night before, and the heat from our proximate groins was intense. Every time he rubbed directly against me, I hoped, in vain, that he'd just dive in.

He looked into my eyes, his need for me obvious. I blinked once and licked my lips; my head rose off of the pillow to kiss him. As our tongues mingled for the first time that day, I thought to myself that this was how I wanted to start every day of the rest of my life. Here, in my Edward's arms.

He moved to kneel between my legs. I folded my knees into myself, wrapped my legs around him, ankles locked on his back. I held him as my willing hostage.

He lined us up with one hand, pushed one finger inside of me and groaned. He bent down to take a nipple into his mouth, removed his finger and thrust himself inside of me. His eyes clenched shut, and his tongue pushed my nipple out of his mouth. He turned his head to the side, eyes still slammed shut.

He pushed himself into me a bit more and paused again. He circled his hips again and then retreated down the path he'd just forged. He was going so slowly. _Too slowly_.

I was so much more aware of everything than I had the night before. I studied the thick crease on his forehead, the line a result of his deep concentration. I watched as the cords in his neck strained; his biceps contracted, his chest heaved. He barely moved, and yet it looked like his body was working so hard.

I moved a hand from his hair and trailed it down his cheek and neck to his chest, and then further, down to his belly. I found the soft hair low on his abdomen and fingered it gently. His eyes shot open, riveted to my hand. He groaned.

He then picked up the pace. With every stroke, his lips found some part of my body; my lips, my neck, the crevice between my breasts. He now moved in and out of me quickly, biting his lower lip. I could tell that he was trying not to cum too fast.

I lifted a hand to his chin and guided his lips to mine. When he broke the kiss he grunted loudly, panting. He shook and then his body went rigid, his eyes glued shut. He was so beautiful in this moment.

I smiled like the giddy school girl I was and held my arms out, welcoming him.

We lay there and kissed and caressed each other for a bit before there was a knock on the door, and the sweet voice of my best friend called out to us, "Bella, it's 10:30, Charlie will be expecting you guys home soon. Mom's making breakfast downstairs. Oh, and Emmett's waking up."

"Thanks, Al," I rasped out, "We'll be down in a few minutes."

I heard her footsteps pad away and smiled at my lover. "Good morning," I said as I kissed his forehead.

"Baby, this has been not _just_ a good morning. It was most certainly the best morning of my entire life," he smiled at me widely.

"Better than Christmas morning?" I asked as I stretched my arms over my head.

"Better than any Christmas morning in the entire fucking history of Christmas mornings." He said as his fingernails lightly scratched down my outstretched arms.

"That feels nice," I said, eyes closed.

His lips started to trail his fingers.

"Edward. We have to get downstairs, so you need to quit it." I said it half-heartedly, at best. As much as my mind wanted to chastise him, my body wanted to possess him. Repeatedly.

"Ugg, you're right, I _know_ you're right, but I don't _want_ you to be right. I want to spend all day in bed with you." His hands dropped to cup my face and he kissed me sweetly on the mouth. "I love you so much, Bella."

"I love you too, Edward. It won't be too long before we can have leisurely naked days in bed, but, if we ever want those days to get here, we need to get up." I rolled out from under him and scooted away off the bed.

"I'm counting the days." He called after me as I retrieved my overnight bag and headed into his bathroom. After I brushed my teeth and completed my morning ablutions, I put my hair into a low ponytail and walked back into his room.

He was already dressed and had gathered up our discarded clothes. "God, Bella. The last eighteen hours were so amazing." He chuckled, "I'm so glad Renee _dragged_ you to the gyno last month," he said as he shoved my clothes back into my bag.

"I know, right. The cramps really did hurt though. You know how many days of school I missed. The whole not-getting-pregnant thing is a pretty awesome side effect of easier periods."

"Hell fucking yes it is."

I giggled and took his hand as we walked out of his room and downstairs to breakfast.

********************************************

After a lovely breakfast of pancakes, bacon, eggs and fresh juice, Emmett and I headed home. He'd barely spoken to me all morning. I didn't know if it was a hangover or if he was pissed at me. Maybe it was both, but I needed to find out.

"So, did you have a good time last night?" I asked, punching him lightly in the arm.

"Sure, it was fun. I kicked a few punk asses in pool and some Wii. Had a few beers, groped a boob or two. It was cool." He still wasn't smiling.

"That's great Em,." I said, a little cautiously.

"Couldn't find you or Edward after a little while. That, uh, hmm. Well that, shall we say, was not as much fun. Just tell me he was good to you. Wait, no, don't tell me anything. I don't care if he was fucking perfect, _Fuck!_" He slammed his hand on the steering wheel, punctuating the last word. "I really want to kick his pasty ass. Ohhh, I need think I'm gonna be sick."

At least now I knew the source of this morning's mood. "Aww, Em. You don't need to be all silly and overprotective. It's cute and I love you for it, but you don't need to worry. I'm great. Okay?"

"Whatever. I don't fucking want to talk about it. Ever. If I see as much as one coy look or a singular indication that you're even thinking about sex, and I'm telling dad whatever the fuck it takes to get you grounded until graduation. Got it?"

"Ugg, fine. Yes, I got it. Not that it's fair. I never ratted on you or threatened you when you whored yourself out, but whatever, if you like being a hypocrite..." He irritated the shit outta me sometimes, but I still loved him. I guessed it _would_ suck for him, imagining me that way. Being that I am his baby sister after all.

When we got home, Em and I went to our respective bedrooms. Mom came up and knocked on my door. I opened it for her and gave her a tight hug.

"How was the party?"

"It was awesome, mom. Alice is an amazing party planner and the best friend I could ever want. Everyone had a good time. Even Emmett, I think."

"We didn't know he was going to be staying over too. Guess it worked out okay though."

I snorted. "Neither did I, but ya, I guess it did."

She laughed at me, "Daddy and I have a few gifts for you downstairs that we didn't get to give you yesterday. I'm making your favorite dinner for lunch, so Emmett can have some before he and Jasper go back."

"Sounds great, mom. I'll be down in a few." I smiled at her broadly; she was an awesome mom. Interested, but she didn't pry.

I unpacked my overnight bag and noticed the small pill compact on my desk. I'd forgotten it. It was only a few hours past my normal time, so I wasn't worried. I swallowed it down and kept on going.

I flipped my laptop open and checked my email. There were a few from friends and one from Edward. That was quick.

From: Cullen, Edward

To:Swan, Isabella

Re:ILY

_B,_

_You've just left here, and I feel so alone already. I can smell you everywhere, on my pillows and on my clothes. Jesus fuck, you are everywhere, and I love it. I don't think I'm going to leave this bed all damn day. Unless you want to do something, and then I'll be there in a heartbeat._

_Last night and this morning were the most amazing moments of my life. I can't do it justice, it's just, ugh, I don't know how to put it. I felt so close to you, connected, like I knew what you wanted, and you knew what I wanted. I felt like you could see into my soul.. I hope you know how much I love you._

_And, fuck, but Bella, your body is amazing. I thought I knew what to expect. Lord knows, I'd spent enough time thinking about it, but baby, it was so much better than my wildest fantasy._

_Your tits are spectacular, and they fit in my mouth and in my hands perfectly, like they were made for me. And the feel of your naked skin, touching my naked skin. Fuck. Just fuck. So amazing. _

_Now that we've been together, I don't know how I'll be able to control myself around you. If I had my way you would always be naked. Well, maybe not always, I do have a few fantasies involving certain elements of clothing…like that skirt. And those boots._

_I hope you had a happy birthday, baby. You were supposed to be the one receiving gifts, but you gave me the greatest gift ever. You. _

_Love, _

_E_

I smiled and almost shut down the computer, dumfounded, but I couldn't leave him hanging like that.

From:Swan, Isabella

To:Cullen, Edward

Re:ILY, too

_E, _

_Tons of cheesy lines are running through my- head, 'You complete me', 'But soft! What light through yonder window breaks' and all that, but somehow they all make sense now. Is that weird? I guess what I'm trying to say is - I love you too, and I am so happy we finally took that step. I feel whole now, and I didn't even know what I was missing before._

_And last night (& this morning, too) was so amazing. I can't believe it was so good and that I get to feel that way again, all the time. Forever, until we're too old and grey to, well, you know. _

_I miss you already. I want to see you tonight. I hate being apart. _

_My parents are having a birthday lunch/goodbye-to-Emmett lunch, so I should be able to head out after that. Wanna see a movie or something? Maybe go for a walk?_

_Text or em me._

_I'll love you forever,_

_B._

I shut down my computer for real this time and headed downstairs, a huge grin on my face. Unfortunately I bumped into Emmett first, and he squinted his eyes at me and scowled. My grin disappeared immediately. Buzzkill.

Mom was chattering to dad about something, sounded like Thanksgiving plans, when I entered the kitchen.

"There's the birthday girl!" Dad said, pulling me into a hug.

"Hi dad, my birthday was yesterday though."

"I know that, Bells, but I hardly saw ya yesterday, and this is your birthday dinner, err, lunch, so happy birthday, sweetie." His smile lit up the room. He was so cute when he was happy.

"So what're we having?" I asked, as I craned my neck to see what they had cooking in there.

"Grilled salmon, roasted vegetables & goat cheese couscous, green beans with toasted almonds and a salad."

Salmon was not my favorite, but that was okay. That couscous dish was good, especially with the creamy goat cheese. I doubted Em would be impressed though.

"Ugh! Fish! We're having fish? Can you just throw a burger on for me?" Emmett whined, looking in the fridge, rummaging for alternatives.

"Emmett Dale Swan! Grow up! You can be such an overgrown baby sometimes!" Mom screeched. I couldn't help but poke my tongue out at him.

He didn't appreciate that and shot me the bird when nobody was watching. It just made me laugh harder at him. He really could be a big baby.

We ate _linner_, as dad called it, quite peacefully. Emmett filled us in on his course load for the semester. He was majoring in business with a minor in computer something or other. He enjoyed living in the dorms.

"Have you seen Rosalie much?" Mom asked.

Jasper's sister could be a touchy subject with Emmett. She was tall and gorgeous; sophisticated, witty and smart. He'd had a crush on her since the Hales had moved to Forks years ago. Jasper was his best friend, but despite Emmett's wishes things had never really gone anywhere with Rosalie. She'd been dating this guy, Royce, for awhile. I didn't know what she saw in him, but she seemed happy enough.

"Um, some I guess. Not a lot. She's living with Royce in an apartment near campus. Jazz and I meet them out sometimes." Emmett said, pushing his food around his plate.

"I see," Mom said. I think she'd secretly hoped that Rosalie would dump Royce and give Emmett a shot. We all did, really.

"How're the Huskies doing this year?" Dad asked.

Emmett looked relieved at the change of topic. "The scouting report looks good. It's too early in the year to say, of course, but the hype is really positive."

"Excellent! Bells and I are planning a few road trips to some games this year, aren't we Bells?" Dad asked me, gesturing with his fork.

"Yup," I said, "I figure it'd be a good time to scout out the campus too, in case that's where Edward and I end up going." I said while stuffing a bite of the cheesy goodness into my mouth.

We finished eating, and Emmett and I started to clean up.

"So you guys are really that serious, huh?" Emmett asked me out of the blue.

I looked at him incredulously. "Of course. I love him Em." Was actually asking me this? What the hell else did he think was going to happen? That we'd just be over in a few months? That this was some short term thing going on? That it was only physical? My eyes welled up. I'm not sure if it was from anger or sadness. Maybe it was both.

"Okay, okay, don't need to get all girly about it. I didn't know how serious you are." He answered sheepishly.

"I know, I'm sorry, Em. It's just, he means so much to me. I can't imagine what it would be like without him." I took a deep, cleansing breath and continued, "Besides, his sister throws kick ass parties." I winked at him and popped him with the wet dishtowel.

He danced out of the way and tossed the soapy sponge at me. "Truce!" He smiled big and held his hands up. "I don't want to drive home wet, and Jasper will be here in a few minutes. I'd better go make sure I'm ready to go."

"Gimme a hug bye, ya big lug." I said, walking over to him, arms open. We shared a nice, long hug. He kissed the top of my head before disappearing to his room to collect his things.

He left with Jasper a few minutes later, and I headed back upstairs.

I checked my phone and had a text from Edward:

_J left here few mins ago. Pick u up in 30?_

I opened my door and shouted down the stairs, "Mom, I'm going out with Edward for a bit, okay?" I didn't wait for a response before replying back:

_Can't wait to see you. Drive safe._

I took a quick look in the mirror and decided I could use some sprucing up. I toed off my shoes and stripped off my jeans. I put on fresh, lacy, undies, hot pink leggings and a dark denim mini skirt. I took off my tee shirt and replaced it with a cashmere sweater I'd received for Christmas. I brushed my hair, put my shoes back on and headed downstairs.

"Where are you two headed?" Dad asked, being all parental.

"Um, I'm not sure, really. Maybe to a movie." I answered honestly.

"Well you do have school tomorrow, so be home by eleven." Dad replied, already turning back towards whatever he was watching on TV.

"Sure thing dad." I grabbed a light jacket and headed outside to begin my Volvo watching vigil.

It wasn't long before I saw the shiny silver car pull into the driveway. I ran over, I didn't want to wait for him to come out to get me.

"In a hurry, love?" He asked as he leaned in for a kiss.

"To see you? Always." I whispered against his lips.

He pulled back away from me, motioning towards my house. "Where to?"

"Well, it's a nice day out and still light for a few more hours, so how about something outside?" I said as I peered out of the window.

"Okay, I know a place." He reversed out of the driveway pulled onto the road. We held hands as he told me about the rest of his day. He occasionally kissed my knuckles, and constantly rubbed circles with his thumb on the back of my hand.

After about fifteen minutes, he stopped the car and pulled off into a small clearing. "There's a little patch of land a bit up that trail where we used to play catch."

He came around and opened my door for me. "I see you changed clothes. You looked nice before although I _am_ digging the skirt." He winked at me and pulled me to the path.

We walked hand in hand for about twenty minutes before Edward stopped walking, indicating that we'd arrived. We were in a peaceful and sunny clearing. The grass was green and the puffy clouds were an angelic white.

Edward spread himself out on the lush grass, and pulled me down on top of him. I spread my palm out over his stomach and put my ear over his chest, listening to his heart.

"It's you, you know." He looked down at me lovingly. "You _are_ my heart."

My head rested on his chest. I smiled up at him before I rose up and brought my face up to his. "Oh, Edward," I said as I changed my position so I could kiss him. Our kiss was slow and gentle, not like the heated kisses of that morning. These kisses were full of enduring passion, respect and love. Soon it transformed into more and we made love in the soft grass, the silence of the place broken only by our sounds.

We lay there afterwards, basking, my head on his chest again.

"Emmett seemed surprised to hear that we'd planned to go to the same school next year."

"Hmm… Well, I guess it 's not too often that people our age are this serious about their relationships."

"I guess," I hedged, not quite satisfied. "I suppose I thought that everybody could see how strong out commitment was. I guess not."

"Who gives a fuck what people think they see? We know what's real." He stared down into my eyes, the enormity of his words projected in his gaze.

"I know, I was just sorta startled to realize it wasn't obvious to him. I thought he was the one person, apart from Alice, maybe, would just _know_ that." I placed a kiss on his neck and ran my hand over his stomach.

"So where do you want to go next year?" He asked me. We'd already sent in a ton of applications last year, and were waiting out the fruits of our labor.

"I'd love to go to New York, but I'm not sure because it's so far away from home. Maybe U Wash, like Emmett and Jasper and Rose, but they don't have a swimming team. Or maybe Wash U, since they do, or Gonzaga, I hear they have some good sports teams, although I'm really not sure which ones..." I rambled on, playing with a blade of grass.

"Bella, where do _you_ want to go, not where you think _I_ would like to go? Sports are just games. You are real. You are what matters. What would make you happiest?" He asked sincerely, stroking my hair.

"Maybe Northwestern. Or UCLA, or Cornell, or Dartmouth or NYU. I don't know Edward. Anywhere I've ever heard of, if you'll be there with me is the perfect school. Even a place I've never heard of, with you by my side, will be amazing." From where I was laying right now, school seemed unimportant, and far off. "Let's just see what our options are, and then we can decide together."

"Maybe take a few road trips to check them out," He cocked an eyebrow up and winked, pushing me off of him and rolling me onto my side.

He lunged at my neck with amazing vehemence as his hand bolted down my side and snaked up under my skirt that had remained on, cupping my butt.

We kissed and groped and rolled and played until the sun started to set. We watched it melt into the horizon, wrapped up in each others' arms, and then assembled ourselves and headed back to his car.

We stopped for a bite to eat at the diner and then went back to his house. It was still early, only eight o'clock, and I hadn't seen Alice since breakfast. She'd texted me like a dozen times and was excited to see us walk in the door.

Her blue eyes were blotchy and swollen, her hair was a mess and she wasn't wearing shoes. She looked like she'd been crying for hours. I dropped Edward's hand and ran to hold my best friend. I felt so selfish that I'd been so wrapped up in myself, I'd forgotten that she'd had to say goodbye to Jasper today. I could only imagine how bad that had to hurt, even if she would see him again in a few weeks, if not sooner.

"Oh, honey, c'mere." I walked to her and pulled her into me.

"I miss him so much already…" She cried into my shoulder. "It's so hard every time he leaves. I try to hold a stiff upper lip and make it seem like I'm okay, but I'm _not_ okay. It hurts, goddamn it! Why couldn't he have just waited for me? It would've only been one year…" She sobbed outright now, gasping for breaths and holding tightly onto me. Edward had disappeared.

"Alice, you know that he loves you and wants to be with you. I'm sure you could call him, and he'd run back to you, right this fucking second." I cooed to her while I stroked her soft hair.

"I know, but it just hurts so much." She said, a little quieter this time.

"Shh, sweetie, I know. It'll be okay. _You know_ it'll be okay. You'll be together again soon. You can even call him now if you want," I offered.

"No, he's driving. I want him to be safe." She sniffled.

"I know you do. What time will they get there?" I asked, knowing she'd have their trip clocked.

She looked at her watch. "Well if they only stop once, and if they eat on the road, they should be there in a half hour."

"Then it seems we have thirty minutes to clean out your snot locker and get some sugar into you."

She grabbed a tissue, and I grabbed a carton of mint chocolate chip ice cream with two spoons, and sat down at the kitchen table.

"Thanks, Bell," she said, taking a spoon from me and lifting the lid off.

We ate in silence for a few minutes before Carlisle stuck his head in. "Everything going alright in here?" He looked over Alice, concerned.

"It is now, dad," Alice said, her mouth full of minty-sweet goodness.

I smiled and saluted with my spoon. He winked at me and walked away.

"I'm so glad I have you." Alice said, leaning over for a hug.

"Me too, Als, me too."

Half an hour later, the ice cream tub was empty, and Alice headed upstairs, phone in hand.

********************************************

I felt strange as I got ready for school on Monday. I think I even looked different – more confident maybe, I'm not sure what it was, but I was definitely happier than I'd ever been.

Edward picked me up, as usual, Alice with him. We drove to school and talked about nothing in particular, just enjoying the good company.

Classes sucked, mostly because they prohibited me from doing what I wanted to do the most – make out with Edward in secluded spots where we could grind up against each other.

He teased me in biology, our only mutual class. He palmed my leg and talked just a little too softly, too close to my ear so that his breath sent shivers down my spine. In the lunch line, he held me against him, my back to his front and kissed my neck indecently.

I was way worked up by the end of the day. Alice saw it all over my face when we got to gym. "Wow, Bella. You've got it bad. You're thinking about fucking my brother, aren't you?" She said as she changed into her gym clothes.

"Huh, what? I mean, how did you know?" Not that I was really surprised that she knew what I was thinking.

"It's written all over your face. Your cheeks are pink, you have this weird vacant stare going on, and you keep licking your lips for Christ sake! I'm surprised you've managed to keep your hands off your tits." She giggled at me as she walked out of the locker room.

I chanced a look in the mirror. _Shit._ She was right. I was pink all over and my lips were kinda swollen. It reminded me of what I looked like after making out with Edward. _Mmmmm_. That thought wasn't going to help me appear any less preoccupied.

Luckily, Coach had plenty of plans to keep us busy. Basketball. Ugh. Alice and I gathered around a hoop with Angela and a few others, making ambivalent attempts.

"So…." Alice started, wiggling her eyebrows at me.

"So what, Al.? I'm not dumb, I know what you want to know. Sorta. I just don't know how _much_ you want to know, or how much I'm willing to share, for that matter." I dribbled the ball three times and launched it up toward the backboard. It bounced away, and I went to chase it. The ball had rolled all the fucking way across the gym, over to the guys' side. There weren't any anti-socialization rules or anything, the girls and guys just tended to separate during this kind of shit. I bent over to pick up the ball, mumbling profanities to myself.

"Hi Bella, I had a great time at the party this weekend." A familiar male voice said. I looked up to find a tall blonde guy, James, standing there, looking me over.

"Oh, hi. I'm glad you had a good time. Alice rocks." I fiddled with the ball and wondered how long I had to continue this inane conversation.

"I wish I'd been able to dance with the birthday girl, though. I brought you a present and everything." He was serious. I think.

"Wow. You didn't need to do that. I really wasn't expecting presents, I mean, aside from Edward and my folks, I really didn't think anybody would get me anything. But, um, thanks." I felt kinda bad now. He was trying to be sweet.

"It's no big deal. It was just an iTunes gift card. Maybe I'll bring it by your house for you. I didn't want to just leave it there without giving it to you, since I didn't bring a card." He looked hopeful.

"I don't want you to go out of your way. It was the thought that counted." I hardly knew this guy after all.

"No, really Bella, I want you to have it." He said, a little too firmly.

Just then Alice trotted up. "I wondered what was taking you so damn long," said my savior. "Bella, I see you found your ball. Oh, and hello there James, are you a terrible shot too?" I rolled my eyes at her jab and waived bye to him and went back with Alice.

"What was that all about?" She asked.

"Oh, he was saying he had a good time at the party, and that he'd brought me a present, an iTunes card, but didn't leave it there and wanted to bring it by."

"Uh, huh. He was checking you out was what _that_ was. I doubt he ever had the card. He's just looking for an excuse."

"An excuse for what?"

"Duh, Bella. You're hot. He's got a penis. He was looking for an excuse to get your attention, to spend time with you. That's all it takes. No matter though, it's not as if my brother would let that dick anywhere near you. Geez, Bella, sometimes you worry me." She took a shot, nothing but net.

We walked out to the car together after gym. Edward was waiting just as I knew he would be. I walked up to him, grabbed a fistful of his shirt and kissed him hard on the mouth.

"I'm happy to see you too." He said with a twinkle in his eye. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me again, softer than the one I'd initiated.

The rest of the week went by quickly. Edward and I found every excuse to be alone together. We'd drop Alice off at home and then head to my house. My parents both worked and didn't get home until at least six most days.

Invariably, we'd start the afternoon off innocently enough. We'd work on homework or watch TV. Then we'd progress to teasing, verbal at first, moving to physical. We'd end up in my bed, panting and pants-less. Sometimes we had sex, sometimes we just got each other off with our hands, our mouths, or both. Once or twice we did all three.

I could not believe how lucky my life was.

At night I dreamed of Edward; of what our life would be like in just a few months when we moved to wherever to go to college.

When my phone rang Saturday morning, the dream was over.

-------------------------

E/N: I would say that I'm sorry for the cliffhanger, but I'm not. I do promise to try to get the next chapter out ASAP though.

As you've undoubtedly noticed, this is Bella's story. We will, however, hear directly from Edward from time to time, but it will only be through his writings.

I respond to all reviews, feel free to ask questions, hazard theories, leave me love, yell at me for the cliffie, whatever you like, just hit that review button and leave something!!


	5. Leaving Home

A/N: Wow, so there were a lot of story adds last chapter. Thanks! I'm so glad you guys are interested in the story and want to keep up. Special thanks to the reviewers.

So I left ya'll with a cliffie at the end of the last chapter. Bella and Edward had been cruising along, loving life and then _something_ is going to happen…Here's that something.

As always, my immense thanks to my fabulous beta, Annanabanana. If you're not following the story with Manicward, you should be. Srsly.

It may not be needed, but I'm issuing a Tissue warning.

More note at the end...

There's a link to the song mentioned below in my profile

Disclaimer: SM owns everything Twilight related.

Ch 5 – Leaving Home

To:Cullen, Edward

From:Cullen, Alice

Subject: Family Meeting

_You were out with Bella when dad got a call. He wanted to have a family meeting, but I told him you were out. He wanted me to make sure you were around in the morning, 8ish. He wouldn't tell me anything. He seemed happy though. Mom was excited._

*****

Edward and I walked into the classically decorated ballroom. The adorned tables had been pushed to the sides to make room for the dance floor. Couples swirled around; laughter was in the air. Mendelssohn's Wedding March echoed out from the stage area. Everyone stopped to look at us. We walked into the crowd of our loved ones, hands wrapped tightly around each other, barely aware of the onlookers' presence. He swirled me around so I was facing him, and we started a slow sway to the music. My head was on his shoulder, my hands wrapped around his neck and he held me close. People were applauding.

_Sex on Fire_ began to play. Seemed inappropriate for a wedding. It surprised me that Alice had allowed it to be on the play list. I was confused, but I started to move to the beat, looking around to see the crowds' reaction to the impromptu change. Edward was still dancing slowly as if he were mesmerized, or dreaming…dreaming…

My eyes popped open. Assaulted by the light, they drooped shut again, and I could hear the song playing in my dream. Edward's hands around my waist, his nose nuzzling my neck…

Mmmm, Edward. He loved this song, and God, how it made me think of him, of _us_. I'd even made it his ringtone on my phone; it was so appropriate. The music abruptly stopped, and a few seconds later I heard two short beeps. My semi-conscious brain was starting to put two and two together. I'd missed a call from Edward.

My hand flopped over to my nightstand and groped for the phone. My fingers disconnected it from the charger and instinctively pushed and held the three key; Edward's speed dial setting.

"You rang?" I croaked out.

"Yeah, hey sweetheart. You're still sleeping, huh? Did you listen to my voice mail?"

"No, I just heard your ringtone and called you back. I haven't really even opened my eyes yet. Why are you up so early?"

He sighed. "My dad called an early family meeting. Get dressed. I'll be over in twenty minutes."

"Bring coffee. Love you, drive safe."

"I will. Love you too."

I put the phone back down on my nightstand and rubbed my eyes. I didn't have much time so I showered quickly and got myself ready.

When I'd made myself presentable, I found him already waiting for me downstairs, my coffee in hand, talking to my dad.

"Morning sweetie. I was just telling Edward here that I couldn't remember the last time I saw you up before ten a.m. on a Saturday."

I kissed dad on the cheek and walked over to retrieve my cup of liquid gold.

"You ready?" He looked up at me, sheepishly.

"Yep, where are we going?"

"I, uh, well, we uh, I need to talk to you, Bella." He was looking at his feet.

I grabbed his hand, put his palm up to my lips and kissed it. "Okay. Do you want to get breakfast and talk or something? Or stay here? Or what?"

"Let's go to my house, if that's okay with you."

We drove the short distance to his house in relative silence. Music from his iPod played quietly, but I couldn't have told you what it was. I was way too distracted. He was acting so weird. He clung to my hand like it was a lifeline and he was a sinking ship. From time to time, he'd say something but never anything important. I tried to eke out a conversation, bringing up the upcoming holidays, but he just hmm'd and nodded and never really spoke.

I couldn't take it any more. "Did I do something wrong? Are you mad at me?" My eyes were glistening with unshed tears as they glared at the side of his head.

His head snapped around. "What? God, no. No, sweetheart, it's nothing like that. I'm sorry if I made you feel that way." He removed his hand from mine and used it to caress my cheek. "We're almost there, and then I'll tell you everything. Well, everything that I know anyway."

"Is Alice okay?" The torture of not knowing what was bothering him so much was killing me.

"Physically, yes, she's fine."

"Physically?"

"What I have to talk to you about affects her too."

Oh, God. This was not good. Alice was upset. What would get her so upset and also bother Edward so much? Oh my God. His parents were getting a divorce. They seemed so happy though. I guess you never really know what goes on behind closed doors.

"Edward, whatever it is, I'm sure it'll work out fine. You and Alice will always be loved and safe and secure."

He looked at me a little strangely. "I know we will be."

We pulled into his driveway; he parked the car and came around to get me. Esme met us in the foyer. She looked back and forth between us with a tight smile, and then she hugged me, kissed me on the forehead and left without saying a word. As we passed the kitchen, I saw Esme talking to Carlisle. He looked up from his paper as we walked by and then snapped his eyes back down, looking somewhat ashamed of himself. Esme was glaring at him. If looks could kill, he'd be a goner. That just about cemented it for me. They were getting a divorce. I wondered if he'd had an affair.

As we passed Alice's door, I heard her talking, presumably to Jasper. "It's just," _sniff_, "I won't be able," _sob_ "To see you." She was flat out wailing now.

I looked at Edward, panicked. "Maybe I should go in there."

He kissed my cheek and looked deeply into my eyes. "I don't think that's a good idea right now. Maybe in a bit, after we talk, okay?"

It was unlike him to discourage me from comforting Alice. That was one of my primary functions in life, whenever Jasper had to go back to college, especially.

When we got to his room, we sat down on his black leather sofa. He sat with one knee up on the sofa, his kneecap touching my leg. He reached over and took my hands between his.

He took a deep breath, sighed and began.

"Bella, there is something I have to tell you. Well, honestly it was news to me until a few hours ago. Sorry for the early wake up, but I just couldn't wait. I had to see you, talk to you, figure this out."

"I don't mind you waking me up early, I always want to be with you. Whatever it is, Edward, we'll work it out." I picked up our hands and kissed his knuckle.

He sighed again and looked up to the ceiling. His eyes were closed, as if he was trying to stifle a sneeze, his eyelids bunched up along his lash line.

"Bella, like I said earlier, we had a family meeting this morning." He began, still not looking at me.

"My dad got a call last night… from a medical school. They're offering him a job." He looked into my eyes. His were red and glossy.

"That's great! They're not getting a divorce? There was no affair?"

"What? No. No divorce, no affair. Is that what you thought I brought you here to tell you?"

"Well, I was trying to figure out what would make you and Alice both upset. When we got here, your mom looked so sad, and your dad looked guilty. She looked mad at him in the kitchen."

"She's happy about the news, mostly. She's just sad for Alice and me."

"Why, Edward?"

"Oh, Bella. The job. It's not in Forks, or Washington."

_Not in Washington_? "L.A.?"

"No." He whispered.

A fat tear fell on our hands. I could barely speak. "Where is it? When does he have to go?"

"It's in Rome, Bella. Italy. That motherfucker took a job in fucking Italy. Half way around the fucking globe."

"Oh, Edward. I'm so sorry. Does he at least have some time before he has to go? How often will he come back?"

A tear slid down his cheek. He stared at our intertwined hands. "He's not going alone."

"They're leaving you two here by yourselves? In your senior year? Why can't Esme stay with you, at least until graduation?"

"Bella. We're all going. All of us. Alice and I begged to stay. Begged." He couldn't talk anymore. His sobs were too strong.

"But…." The room spun out of control. I felt like I was trapped on a merry go round gone terribly wrong. My brain couldn't hold a thought.

Hands shook me. "Breathe, Bella."

I gasped and coughed. Green eyes were staring at me. I knew those eyes. Oh my god. He was leaving me. Leaving me. Leaving.

"But, you can't go. You can't! How can you go? Don't you love me? What about our plans? What about us?" The words were accusations, betrayals of my doubts, my innermost fears.

"You think I _want_ to go? Don't you think I fought this? That I'm still fighting? Alice and I can take care of ourselves. I'm trying my damnedest to convince them, Bella. They're not listening. They won't listen; they keep telling us how it'll be so _good_ for us to experience something new. That the timing is really _perfect_ because our college applications are already in, and we can use the rest of this year to see new places, get some _culture_. Like I give a _fuck_ about their idea of culture. Bella, this is killing me. I want to run away and take you with me. I want to kill them for even considering it."

My breathing eased up some. He didn't want to go. This wasn't a rejection. I took a shaky breath and pushed his chin up to look at me. "You don't want to leave me?"

"God no! How can you even ask that? I love you so much."

"I'm sorry, I, just, well, I guess I got a little insecure."

"Baby, if there is _one thing_ you can trust in life, it is my undying love for you. Always you."

"When do you have to go?" My tears were still falling, but my breathing had slowed down.

"Dad said the president of the university called him, begging him to come immediately. Apparently one of his professors got really sick, and they need a replacement right away."

"How does Carlisle even know this guy?"

"I asked him that. Apparently they met in med school and have kept in touch. This guy was impressed with my dad's new surgical technique, or some shit, and asked him to come and at least fill in while they searched for a permanent replacement. Said the job could be his permanently, if he wanted it."

"Does he?"

"He says he just wants to try it out first."

"I see. How long, Edward?" Why wouldn't he tell me this part?

"Ten days." He looked straight into my eyes as he said the words which changed everything. We had no time. No more time together. Ten lousy days. Two hundred and forty hours. Nothing.

"What about school? Where will you live?"

"Mom said there is a correspondence program we can do at home and through the local university to complete our high school degrees. As for where we'll live, I don't know. I think they said we'd go to a hotel to begin with."

Correspondence classes and a hotel. Seemed so transient. "Doesn't sound like much of a home."

"I know," was all he said.

I crawled into his lap, my arms around his shoulders, my face buried in his neck. My tears sprung loose again. This time he just held me as I cried. We didn't try to talk.

After an immeasurable amount of time, my tears dried up, and even the dry sobs had quieted. I felt empty. I looked up at him, and he looked back down at me. His thumb brushed my cheekbone as he cupped my face. He bent down and placed a soft kiss on my lips.

"Are you okay?" He asked me quietly.

"No. Are you?"

"I will be if you tell me that you'll wait for me."

I peered into his worried eyes. "Of course I will, Edward Cullen. I'll always wait for you. I'm a hollow shell without you. When you get on that plane in ten days, you'll take a piece of me with you."

"When I have to get on that plane in ten days, I'll leave my soul here with you, my love." He kissed me again. "I'll love you forever." He whispered into my ear.

"Forever." I whispered back into his neck.

He kissed the shell of my ear, kissing down until he got to the fleshy lobe. He kissed it lightly, and just below planted his lips on my neck.

He pulled his face back to look at me, his eyes asking permission, was this okay?

I could think of nothing more I wanted than to be with him in this moment. I needed him so badly. How many more times could I kiss him before he left? How many more desperate I Love You's could we whisper? How many more times could he fill me; my every need? My every desire? I didn't know, of course, but I vowed to myself to make the most of the short time we had left together. These next ten days would have to hold me over for months. I wondered if they'd come back for holidays. I'd have to ask him later.

My eyes granted him permission as they darted to his lips. I leaned in and kissed him. I briefly worried about my splotchy face and my runny nose, but those thoughts flew from me as white florets from a dandelion.

Our kiss intensified, and his tongue pressed hungrily into my mouth. I shifted on his lap, so we were turned completely towards each other; my legs straddled his hips. It wasn't long before I felt him grow stiff below me.

His hands roamed my back, nestled in my hair and then moved down to squeeze my butt. He made the same circuit repeatedly, quickly up and down, up and down.

After a few minutes of kissing and petting, he wrapped his arms below my hips, secured me to him, stood and carried me to his bed. He paused to take off his shirt and to kick off his shoes before he climbed in beside me. He snaked a hand up my shirt and cupped my breast, kneading it roughly. He leaned over and kissed my erect nipple through my shirt and bra. His partial weight on me felt so good, made me feel safe.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him close. My leg hitched up over his hip, and I pulled him down onto me. We groaned at the contact. He used his toes to remove my shoes. His hand, from under my shirt, pulled down the cup of my bra and exposed my breast when he pushed up my shirt. The cold air was exhilarating. He sucked the nipple into his mouth as his hand moved down my belly to the button on my jeans. He popped it open and yanked down the zipper. His hand was on top of my cotton clad mound immediately. He stroked me with his whole hand a few times before his fingers started to push into my panty covered slit.

My hips rocked as guttural sounds escaped my throat. My hands moved from around his neck to his chest; I explored it briefly before I pushed on him.

He looked up from my chest, wondering what was wrong. I smiled sweetly and used the space between us to move my hands down to his waist to work on the button of his jeans.

He growled at me a bit and began to lick and kiss my neck rabidly. He hadn't shaved yet this morning, and the rough stubble created a slightly painful, yet wonderful, friction on the sensitive skin of my neck.

Once the button finally complied, I eased down the zipper and wedged my hand inside. There wasn't much free space; his erection had filled any available room the jeans may have once had. I stroked his hardness, from base to head and cupped the tip in my hand. He groaned loudly and sat up; pulled me to sitting too. His hands found the hemline of my shirt; his fingers danced along my skin as he dragged the offensive garment up and over my head. He reached behind me, unclasped my bra and removed it. Lastly, he sat back on his heels and pulled off my jeans and panties in one fluid motion.

Not wanting me to feel exposed, he benevolently took off his jeans and boxers. Our mouths found each other again, and we kissed voraciously as our hands explored each others' bodies. We avoided the most eager parts for a bit, instead focusing on arms and legs, backs and tummies. I loved it when his hand caressed my face. It felt so intimate.

His thigh was between my legs. It was too much to resist. Before long I was grinding myself against his naked, well muscled leg. He understood my need and moved his leg in a rhythm that matched my own. I panted; the tension between us rose every second with our need for each other and for a release.

He replaced his leg with his hand. He danced around my clit a bit and then pushed two fingers deep inside me. I could not control the loud sound that erupted from my throat.

His eyes were dark as he alternated his views between my face and his hand, where his fingers worked inside me. They pumped in and out; my slickness created just the right amount of glorious friction. I was on the edge of orgasm so quickly.

He knew my release was close. He took a nipple into his mouth again, and his thumb pressed into my clit. That was all it took. My body quaked with ecstasy.

Once I'd regained control, and a somewhat normal breathing pattern, I looked into his loving eyes. He seemed so happy.

I pushed him gently onto his back and sat up to straddle him. His erection pressed into me, between the cheeks, on the back of my butt. I inched back towards his feet, so that he was closer to where we both needed him to be.

I took him into my hand and stroked his dick a few times as I watched his face. His eyes slipped closed, and he relaxed back onto the bed. His hands splayed on my thighs and massaged them gently. I moved my hands to his stomach, up to his chest and neck. My forefinger ran over his lips, which parted, and his tongue slipped out and licked me. His hands moved from my thighs, up my sides and to my breasts. He cupped them, each hand taking my nipple between thumb and forefinger, rolling it around, much to my delight.

I took him in my hand again and lifted myself up. His right hand immediately abandoned my breast and sought my wetness. He dipped a finger inside me and moved it around. When he withdrew it, he rubbed my juices around me, and he licked off whatever remnants remained.

I positioned myself, so I could take him in me.

As I looked into his eyes, I pushed the tip of him into my slit and then lowered myself down. A little.

This sensation was so unlike our other times. I controlled how deep he went and how fast we went. I was a little scared I wasn't doing it right, but it felt so good.

Little by little, I lowered myself onto him until I was flush with his groin. God, he was so deep in me. I felt filled, like I'd never dreamed possible. His eyes never left mine. His lips parted, and his tongue danced out, moistening them. Those wet lips needed to be kissed. When I leaned forward to kiss him, the sensation where we were joined changed again. _So good_. I kissed him and then rocked back up to a sitting position. Mmmm.

I made a slow rhythm, rocking back and forth. Edward's eyes rolled into the back of his head a few times and his hands moved to my hips, pulling and pushing me. I sped up.

His fingers dug into my hips. I sped up more. I braced myself by holding onto his shoulders and added a little verticality to my motions. We both groaned. I was close to orgasm again.

So was he. His breathing was ragged, and his eyes seemed a little unfocused. Raspy sounds slipped from his lips.

I slammed myself along his shaft as hard, and as fast as I could, seeking my imminent release. One, two, three times later, and I'd found it. I clenched around him, pulsating. His hands dug almost painfully into my hips, and his legs thighs came up behind me; his body went rigid. He grunted out a "ohshitfuckbellasofuckinggood."

I smiled like the cat that ate the canary and leaned forward to put my head on his chest. His hands enveloped me in a hug, and he kissed my head.

We lay there wrapped up in each other and fell asleep.

We napped briefly. There was still more to talk about, to figure out, but we'd take that slowly. What mattered was that we loved each other, and we'd find a way to make it through. Our faith in our love would save us in the hard times ahead.

He nudged my chin up, so I was looking at him. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," I said as I pressed a kiss onto his chest. "So what do we do now?"

His eyebrows waggled at me. I laughed. "I was being serious. We have a limited amount of time before you leave. I want to make the most of it, and that means that we have to get _out_ of bed, from time to time at least."

He smiled at me. "I know, I guess. I want you to know that I don't plan on letting a single day pass without having you. Our time is too precious. I need you too much."

"Deal. Maybe even twice a day." I winked at him. "How about we get dressed and go for a walk?" It looked like a nice day out.

"Sure, maybe we could pack a little picnic or something."

I loved him so much. "Sounds wonderful. I need to check on Alice before we go anywhere though."

He frowned. "I don't know Bella. She's so sad. I don't want her to ruin our last days together."

"Isn't Jasper coming here before you go?"

"Last I heard, he was trying to figure out a way to. It sounded like he had a lot going on with school this week. Something like two projects due, and a midterm coming up. I'm sure he'll find a way. He'd better."

"I could call Emmett and have him drag his ass up here."

He chuckled. "God, I hope that isn't necessary. Knowing Alice, she's already got mom talked into borrowing the car."

"I'm sure he's hurting too. I mean, I know they aren't used to seeing each other every day anymore, but its gotta be comforting for them to know they can be together in a few hours. Adding a passport into the mix changes things quite a bit."

"Alice and Jasper love each other _almost_ as much as I love you. They'll be fine. She's hysterical now, but I know she'll come around to see they'll make it work. Just like we will."

"I love you Edward." I said as brushed a few strands of hair off of his forehead.

"I love you too Bella. A few thousand miles between us won't change that. I'll be back here before you know it."

"I'm counting on it."

****

]

I found Alice in her room, huddled under her covers, asleep. There was a small forest of crumpled tissues on her night stand next to her cell which was plugged in. I wondered if she'd talked, and cried, to him until her battery had died.

Since she was asleep, I decided to leave her a note.

_Alice, _

_I'm here. Please call me or text me when you wake up, or just come find me. It'll be okay. _

_I love you, _

_Bella._

I placed the note on top of her phone, where I was sure she'd find it. I tiptoed out of the room and closed the door behind me.

I walked downstairs to find Edward.

He sat at the piano, fingering the keys. He looked lost in thought. He plucked out a tune which sounded like the wedding march from my dream, but I could've been wrong. I wasn't that familiar with classical music.

I sat down beside him and hugged my arms around him.

He smiled and turned to me. "Where's Alice?"

"Asleep."

He nodded once, stood and pulled me to my feet. "Let's take that walk now. I made a few sandwiches already."

"Sure, that'd be nice." I said, taking his extended hand.

He grabbed his backpack from the table, and we walked out the back door. We crossed their large back yard and entered the lightly wooded area surrounding their house. We'd walked this path numerous times before.

"Bella," he stated, "I've been thinking." He stopped walking.

I looked at him and squeezed his hand.

"You're eighteen already, and I will be soon." This was true… "What if we got married? Then, either you could come with us, or we could move in together. Either way, we could stay together."

I looked at him. His eyes were hopeful, but his shoulders were slumped in defeat. I moved my hand to his face.

"Edward, _someday_," he winced at the word, "I want to marry you. Very much. But I don't think that this is the right time, or the right reason. When we get married it will be because we want to, not because we feel forced to. You said it right earlier, a few thousand miles will not change our love."

He looked disappointed. "Okay. If you want to wait, we wait."

I pushed up onto my toes and kissed him softly before I took his hand and tugged. We started walking again.

When we got back to the house, Alice was sitting in the kitchen, absently stirring a cup of tea. I walked to her and hugged her tightly to me. "You okay Al?"

Her bleary eyes looked at me. "No, not really, but I will be. He'll be here in an hour or two. He asked for an extension to turn in his project."

"Oh, Alice, I'm so glad."

She gave me a small smile. "He needs me too."

"Of course he does, sweetie. Of course he does." I looked up at Edward, who was watching us. He looked relieved.

Alice smiled at me conspiratorially. "Did he ask you to marry him?" Her finger pointed at Edward.

I gasped at her, "How did you know that?"

"Just a guess. Jasper asked me too."

"What did you say to him?"

"The same thing you said to Edward. That I wanted to wait until the time was right, that marriage wasn't something to do as a reaction to a bad situation."

I smiled at her and nodded. We were kindred souls in so many ways.

Edward huffed and came over to us. "It _would_ solve a lot of problems though."

"And create more." I said.

****

Monday was a constant challenge. When we arrived at school, the feeling of impending doom settled over me, and I couldn't shake it. I had zoned off in biology, and Edward had to nudge me when Mr. Banner was looking. Coach called me out for running too slow in gym. I even tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and stumbled into James. He was nice about it and politely helped me right myself. Somehow, James' niceness pissed off Edward. Something about how he 'couldn't bother to wait until he had even left.' I'd asked him what the hell he meant by that. He didn't answer me.

Tuesday was a little better. News had started to leak out that the Cullens were moving. This seemed to change the perspective of our friends some. Angela, especially. She sought me out after English to make sure I knew that she'd still be there, armed with all the hugs and tissues I needed. Even her boyfriend, Ben, gave me a little squeeze on the shoulder after class.

The days and nights continued on for the rest of the week. Edward and I sought out as much routine as we could, for the first few days, at least. I'd told my parents about the news, and as a result, they were much more lenient with their rules and my curfew. Edward and I came and went as we pleased. He even slept over a few times, with their blessing. He slept on the couch, of course. Well, for _some_ of the night anyway.

Most days and nights we spent at his house. Esme had been busy packing the essentials. Edward was in denial and seemed to refuse to pack. He barely acknowledged anything. Whenever I broached the subject, he'd give me a terse answer and change the subject. It made sense at the time. In retrospect, I wished we'd talked more. Planned more.

I had a test on Friday in English. We were reading _Heart of Darkness_, which I'd read before, and even though I mostly kept up with the discussion in class, I still felt the need to study. I didn't want to be away from Edward, though, so I decided to study at his house. Of course, Friday was his last day, so he didn't give a shit about the test.

I sat on his bed, my notes spread out in front of me, my worn copy of the paperback in my lap, highlighter between my teeth. I was twirling a strand of hair absently while I reviewed the material.

Edward came up beside me and kissed my neck. "You look so cute when you do that."

"What, study?"

He looked at me with _those_ eyes. "No, when you play with your gorgeous fucking hair."

I hadn't even realized I had been doing it. "Um, thanks." I said, returning to my studies.

That wasn't enough for him. He came and sat down behind me, his legs on the outside of mine. His arms snaked around my waist, and his lips connected with my neck.

"Edward…."

"What?"

"You know what. I need to study."

"So study. I'm doing a little studying of my own."

I smiled and went back to my reading. Unfortunately, my neck was no longer enough study material for him, and he began rubbing my stomach, inside my shirt. It was only a few circular passes before his thumbs were grazing my breasts.

"Edward. Come on, I just need a few more minutes."

"What's that you say? You only need a few minutes to come?"

I rolled my eyes and tried to keep working. He increased the intensity of his grazes and added his lips back to my neck. I could now feel him, hard, behind me.

"Edward, I have a test tomorrow."

"I know."

"And I need to study. I still have to take the fucking test tomorrow."

"Bella, you know this stuff. You'll be fine. Just relax, baby."

"Relax? You want me to relax? I have a fucking test tomorrow, Edward. We _used_ to study together, but seems you're just intent on sabotaging me."

"I'm not _sabotaging_ you. I'm fucking trying to seduce you. Fucking sue me for trying to _make love_ to my fucking girlfriend."

I turned and glared at him. "Time and place, Edward. I just asked you for a few minutes so I could prepare for tomorrow. Can't you even keep your dick in your pants for a few fucking minutes so I can fucking study?"

"I'll do you better than that. I'll take my _fucking dick_ to another fucking room. Or better yet, why don't you take _your_ bitchy ass out of here!"

"Fine!" I slammed my book shut and gathered my notes. I got up from the bed and threw the highlighter at him. "Fuck you."

"Not fucking likely."

I slammed his door and ran downstairs. Alice was sitting on the couch in the family room and saw me storm by. She followed me. "Bella? Wait! Bella, what's going on?"

"Your stupid brother can't keep his dick in his pants long enough for me to study for the fucking test tomorrow, that's what's going on. I thought he cared about me."

Tears streamed down my face.

"Shhhh. He's an asshole. Shhh."

I just nodded my head and cried into her shoulder. She rocked me and held me while I cried it out.

"Bella, do you think maybe…um…"

She didn't finish her sentence before Edward had found us. His hands were stuffed into his pockets. He mostly stared at his feet.

"What do _you_ want?"

"Alice, stay out of it. This is between me and Bella."

"No. She's my friend. I'm in." She squeezed me tighter, trying to protect me.

I peeked out from her shield and stared at him, raising one eyebrow, giving him his chance to say what he came to say.

"I'd rather do this without an audience."

"Tough." Alice and I said in stereo.

He sighed. "Fine. Bella, I'm sorry. I should've listened to you. I'm sorry." His body language said he was sorry, but his words were not as genuine.

"Listened to me about what?"

"About giving you time to study. I could've waited ten minutes. It's just, well, I hate to waste what little time we have left together. I know studying is important to you; I'm sorry I didn't make it a priority for me."

That sounded better. I released my hold on Alice, and he took a few steps towards us. "Forgive me?"

I sighed a shaky sigh. "Of course I do. Even assholes deserve forgiveness."

He smiled and held his arms open. I stood and walked slowly to him. He gathered me in and held me. "Thank you."

"Well, tomorrow is a big day," I said, trying to sound brave, "So, I'd better get home."

"Wait, you're going home tonight?"

"Well, yeah. I didn't bring anything with me."

"Okay, then I'll stay at your house and.." he made air quotes with his hands, "sleep on the couch."

I smiled at him and nodded my head. He returned a few minutes later with a small bag; we got in the car and headed to my house.

After dinner, we sat with my family to watch TV. My dad wanted to watch sports, of course, which didn't interest me or my mom at all. She headed to the kitchen to read, and I made towards the stairs. "You coming?"

He looked up at me. "Yep, be there in just a second."

An _hour_ later, he walked in my room. I'd already dressed for bed, set out the next day's clothes, sorted my laundry and checked my email. Earlier today he couldn't give me ten minutes to study, and now he was watching TV? What the fuck?

"Took you long enough."

He looked surprised by my harsh words at first, and then he got defensive. "Forgive me for spending time with your dad, enjoying myself."

"Hmm… seems to me that earlier today you couldn't wait t_en minutes_ so that I could study for my test tomorrow, and now fucking Sports Center comes on and you have all the time in the goddamn world!"

"It wasn't Sports Center."

"Whatever, Edward. You get the point. I _hope_."

"Yeah, I get it. You want me when it's convenient for you."

He. Did. Not.

"Is that right?" Blood whooshed through my ear canals.

"Seems."

"Well, it certainly _seems_ to me that you really will be sleeping on the couch tonight. No air quotes needed."

I guessed that hit home because his whole expression changed. He went from mad to shocked to sad. "Bella, what are we fighting about here?"

"We're fighting about your perverse timing."

"Really? Bella, two weeks ago would you have minded if I hung out with your dad and watched sports?"

He had a point. "No."

"Sweetheart, come here. I think this is more about my having to go soon and less about my timing."

"No, I think you're a selfish pig." There was no anger in my words though; I only _kinda_ meant it, and he knew it.

"No doubt about that. At least I'm _ your_ selfish pig."

"Ooh, lucky me!" I said meekly, actually smiling now. I looked up at him, and he kissed me softly.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Everything."

"It's not your fault. None of it is. It just sucks, but we'll get through, right?'

"You know it babe." He kissed me again. It was just starting to get good when my dad appeared in the hallway, walking very loudly.

His face popped into my room. "We're going to bed now, Bells. Time for Edward to head downstairs for the night."

I nodded my assent and kissed Edward lightly on the cheek. "See you bright and early."

"Goodnight, my love. Sleep well." He went downstairs. I guess we were both really tired, because there were no middle of the night trips on the stairs that night.

On his last day of school, people stopped him in the halls to say goodbye. I could see the pained expression on his face each time, and I knew this was just a glimmer of what was to come. I wasn't sure I would make it through. I started to cry in the hallway. He pulled us into an empty classroom and rocked me through my sobs.

I knew that if I was going to make it, I was going to need my rock, my Em.

****

From:Cullen, Edward

Subject: Bella

Hi Emmett,

I'm not sure if you know what's going on right now or not. Bella is going to need you. My family is moving to Italy. My dad got a job there. She's in my arms right now, crying. I will be back as soon as I can, but in the mean time, she is going to need you.

I hope you don't hate me as much as I hate myself right now.

Edward.

_Sent from my Blackberry_

*

When we got back to his car, I grabbed my phone and scrolled through my contacts until I found Emmett's name. I quickly typed out a message.

_911. E's fam moving 2moro. Not doing well. Need u._

I clasped the phone to my chest and waited. About one minute later, I had my reply._ Exam tomorrow. Will be there ASAP after. Hold tight sis. Love u._

I sighed my relief. Edward looked over at me as I clutched my phone to my chest. I didn't have to tell him the context of the text conversation I'd just had. He had just tucked his phone into his pocket when it buzzed again.

*

From:Swan, Emmett

Subject: Re: Bella

She just texted me about it. I'll be there day after tomorrow, which I realize is the day after you all will have left, but it's the best I can do on short notice. I just hope she holds it together that long.

Good luck. If you fuck her over, I will find you and end you. That's a promise bucko.

*

He looked at his phone for a few seconds before he put it away. It was obviously a message from someone.

"Emmett's on his way then?"

"Day after tomorrow." I mumbled. A fresh tear leaked out the corner of my eye. I didn't want to start that again, so I reached over and took his hand. "What's the plan for tonight?"

He looked relieved at the change of topic. "Well my folks are having a, um, get together at the house. People will be dropping by, mom ordered food to be brought in and there will most certainly be booze. Mom wants it to be low key."

"Okay. Will we be able to have alone time?"

"Baby, we don't have to set foot in the house if you don't want to. We can have all the alone time we need."

"I don't want to be rude…"

"How about we make an appearance and then reverse outta there?"

"What about Alice?"

"Jazz is here."

"Oh. Good. Sounds like a good plan then."

He smiled at me and kissed my knuckles on the hand which held his.

We arrived at his house to find Alice cuddled up on a chaise lounge with Jasper. She wiggled her fingers 'hi' to me and then reburied her nose into Jasper's chest.

I went over and kissed her on the head before I rejoined Edward and headed inside.

I looked around the house from the foyer. Many of the family's personal items had been packed away, but the larger pieces were still there. The books had been removed from the shelves; the photos taken down from the walls. The furniture stood alone, Alice's dance trophy was gone from is place on the mantle, Edward's little league statuette was missing from its shelf. I gulped in some air, dropped my eyes and kept walking. In the kitchen, the caterers were working to lay out the spread. I'd guessed there were over a dozen items for the guests to choose from. I recognized some, like the bacon wrapped scallops and little sandwiches, but there were others that I didn't know. Esme was there with them, kindly passing out instructions, insuring a smooth night. She looked beautiful, as she always did.

"Bella, Edward. Hi kids." She came to us and hugged us both. "I'm glad you… it's good you…well. Thank you. I know this has to be hard on you."

My chin quivered a little at her confession. Edward squeezed my hand.

"We'll be here for a little while, mom, then we're gonna take off."

"Okay sweetie. People will start arriving around five I think."

Edward nodded, and we started off to the stairs towards his room.

Each time I'd been in his room in the last nine days, it'd been different. I knew he'd been reluctantly packing, but never when I was there, so each day brought on a new sense of loss for me.

We plopped down onto his black leather sofa. Neither of us spoke. I curled up into his chest, his arm rested along my side, hand in my hair. I felt like we should be talking, doing _something_ to make the most of our time, but I was just so drained.

He didn't push me to do anything, or try to initiate a conversation. From time to time, he would sigh a warm breath into my hair or squeezed me gently. His heart beat was steady. It calmed me tremendously.

"Where will you sleep tomorrow night?" I asked from my place on his chest.

"Dad picked out a hotel where we'll stay until we find a place to live. His friend has been scouting out houses for us near the university."

I nodded. Several minutes passed.

"What about your things?"

He sighed. "We'll have a few suitcases with us, the other things will be shipped once we have a place."

"Bella."

I looked up at him.

He kissed me softly on the lips. His thumb traced a path from the outer corner of my eye down to my jaw.

I didn't want to cry anymore, so I lowered my face back into his chest. Looking at him was too hard.

"I'll call you as soon as we land."

I nodded.

"Dad said he'll have new phones waiting for us at the hotel which will work over there. He said it would be better than trying to get us phones here. I will call you the minute it's in my hand."

I nodded.

Time passed.

We could hear voices downstairs. After a few minutes, he shook his shoulder to get my attention. "Do you want to go down there?"

My arms tightened around his waist, hugging him close to me. I wanted to crawl under his skin and stay there forever.

I pushed myself up, sitting upright again, and nodded my assent.

He stood and held his hand out for me. "Come on, my love."

I still didn't trust my voice, and so I simply smiled and followed him out of the room for the last time.

Downstairs people milled around. Most people I didn't recognize. I guessed they were people from work, maybe neighbors. The well-wishers seemed to be in a happy mood. They ate food off of toothpicks, drank from their glasses of wine, or bottles of beer. They exchanged stories and hugs.

I sat, perched on a kitchen stool, taking it all in. I kept trying to remind myself that this was not goodbye.

No. Not goodbye.

I needed a new descriptor. It was certainly a delay, an obstruction, a tribulation. Anything _but_ goodbye.

Edward stood silently behind me, toying with a strand of hair. A few friends from school dropped by with their parents. Those to whom Edward was close to came by and shook his hand, the girls hugged him. Jessica hugged him a little too closely for my taste. He didn't seem to mind. Bitch.

Angela and Ben had come by along with Eric, Tyler and a few others. They all looked at me with a sorrowful smile.

I looked back at Edward. "I can't do this anymore."

He sighed out a lungful of air and nodded. "Finally."

We walked out of the door, and got into his car and just drove. After a while, we wound up at the beach.

We kicked off our shoes and walked through the sand to sit at the water's edge. He wrapped his arms around me as I sat nestled between his legs.

He whispered into my ear. "I'll be back before you know it. This time will be hard, but it'll pass so much faster than you think." I wasn't sure which of us he was trying to convince. "We'll talk every day. The time difference will make it harder, but we can email at least."

I turned to look at him. "I know that Edward. I will miss you. I will miss you like hell, but I know that you'll come back to me, to us." I knew this to be true. I'd been thinking a lot, obviously and I needed to tell him what was on my heart. "I want you to make the most of your time there. Your parents are right. This is an _amazing_ opportunity to see the world. I _want_ you to have fun. I _want_ you to explore. I _want_ you to enjoy being there, and not to spend every waking moment wishing you were here. I'll be here when you get back. You don't need to spend these next few months sad. Okay?"

His surprised eyes looked at me as he took in my words. "Thank you Bella. Thank you for being so wonderful and so amazing and so strong and so mature. Thank you for being so unselfish. Thank you for loving me. I don't deserve you."

The tension between us had finally oozed away. I kissed him. He kissed me back as he fell backwards into the sand. I scooted up along his body to keep our lips attached.

We stayed on the beach past sunset, kissing and holding each other as we watched the sun dip into the horizon.

When we got back to his house my parents were there amongst the other guests. My mom handed me a plate with some of the appetizers on it. "Have you eaten anything today?"

I considered this for a moment and tried to smile at her as I shook my head slightly, indicating that I had not.

"I didn't think so."

The thought of food was revolting, but she didn't need to know that. Edward, the brave champion that he is, took one of the items off my plate and popped it into his mouth. I put a cube of cheese to my lips, but I just couldn't eat it.

The next few hours passed in relative ease. We stayed downstairs with everyone else. He never left my side, we were always touching. We both needed the physical link to remain intact for as long as it could.

My mom was talking to Esme near by. "What time does your flight leave?"

"It's terribly early, seven a.m. from Seattle, then we change planes in New York."

"Wow," Mom said. "So if you have to be there at least an hour early, and it's about a four hour drive…"

"Yep," Esme said., "We're leaving here around midnight tonight. We can sleep on the planes. The kids can sleep in the car. There will be someone at the airport to take the car from us and ship it to Rome for us so at least we don't have to buy all new cars right away. The rest of our cars are going to storage."

My eyes flew to the clock on the microwave.

10:48.

My heart pounded, and I broke out into a sweat. I felt nauseous.

Edward must've been more aware of the time and of the timing of their departure. He squeezed me to him tightly.

I felt five pairs of eyes on me, even though my eyes were tightly shut.

"Need help with anything, Carlisle?" My dad asked, a little too loudly.

"Sure, Charlie, thanks, uh, I have some stuff in the other room." They were giving us space. I was thankful.

I heard them all leave and chanced a look at him.

My nerves failed me, and I started to sob immediately. I cried so hard that I was gasping for air, my body shook, my eyes lost focus. Edward wrapped me in his arms as he tried to calm me, he whispered loving 'shh, love's and 'everything will be fine's.

My rational brain was not a resident in my mind. My heart ached. It felt like that most vital of organs was being ripped from me, drained of all its life giving blood. My lungs barely functioned as I gasped for air. My fingers clawed into Edward's back; trying to hold him to me. To keep him with me.

All too soon, my mom was back in the room, her arms added to Edward's around me, her lips on my cheeks too. "It'll be okay honey. You _know_ it will be okay. He'll be back."

Words were meaningless.

"I'm not going mom. I can't do this to her." I heard my love speak.

Those words were _not_ meaningless, and they snapped me out of my stupor. I shook my head furiously. "No, no, no. You _have to_ go. I'll be okay. You have to go. You'll call me when you land. We'll email. It'll be okay. You'll come home to me." I repeated the mantra which had been running through my head in a feeble attempt to calm me.

He pulled me away to look into my eyes. I tried to convey to him that I believed the words I spoke. I _think_ I _did_ believe them.

"Bella, however much this hurts, whatever pain may come, you know deep down a few things. Where you are is where I want to be. There is no home without you. I won't be home again until you are in my arms again. You are my heart, you _are_ my home. I need you. I love you with every molecule of my being. You _know_ this. This is _not _goodbye."

He started into my eyes for what felt like an eternity. He was searching them, looking for confirmation, for acceptance of his declaration. I stared back at him before I closed my eyes and rested my head on his chest again.

He hugged me to him again, and I felt his head nodding. I guessed he found what he was looking for in my eyes. My permission to leave.

------

E/N: I'd say I'm sorry…but I'm not. It had to happen. I've mentioned it before, but it probably merits a word again. This is Bella's story, so it's told from her POV. However, as you can now see, there will be some distance between them, so it will be impossible for her to monitor his everyday activities. In order to know what's going on with him we'll get some of his written communications, primarily email, but snail mail is a possibility as well.

Big Bro will be here next chapter.

So tell me, have you ever had to say goodbye?


	6. Grieving

**A/N: It's been a long time in between updates. I'm sorry for that. Things will begin to progress pretty quickly from here out.**

**Thanks to Annanabanana for the beta work. What you read below is about a zillion "that"s fewer than the version she got.**

**Disclaimer: S Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
**

It would be almost nineteen hours before they'd land in Rome. There was a nine hour time difference. The flight left Seattle at 6 a.m. our time and was supposed to land in New York about five hours later. Then they had to check in for the international flight, which took off about two hours after they landed, and were in the air for another nine hours. My paltry math skills told me it would be about ten a.m. his time tomorrow before they would be on the ground in Rome, about 1 a.m. here. I imagined he'd be more than exhausted.

He'd repeatedly promised to call the minute they got to the hotel and he got his new phone in his hands. We'd neglected to factor in the time difference. I didn't know if the realization of the time difference would change things. Time would tell.

There was no sleep to be had Friday night. He was on the road to Seattle. My heart and soul were about to get on a plane to go across the country, and then across the globe. The mere suggestion of sleep brought about hysterics. Dad tried to stay up with me. After a few hours of his snoring on the couch, I nudged him and told him to go to bed. He smiled at me weakly and then tromped off. I held the TV remote and scrolled through the channels mindlessly. Eventually mom walked into the room, clad in her bathrobe, and sat down beside me with a steaming cup of coffee. Apparently, it was 6 a.m.

My phone beeped indicating an incoming text message. It was from Edward.

_We're on the plane, about to take off. I'll call you from New York. I love you._

I figured he didn't have long before he had to turn his phone off.

_Be safe. Hurry back to me. I love you always._

The hours crept by. I kept CNN up all day Saturday for news of plane crashes. Thankfully, there wasn't any. I tried to keep busy. I did laundry, I started to read the next week's worth of reading assignments, I talked to Angela and texted Emmett - he'd be in Monday night after his exam.

Edward called about noon. Their flight to New York had been uneventful. He tried to sleep but couldn't. Alice cried a lot. It was a strange, strained, conversation. I had so many things I wanted to say to him but couldn't. I'm not sure what stopped me. Maybe the words bouncing around in my head seemed too final; some sentiments had already been spoken; mostly I didn't want to let him know how weak I felt, how empty. He was being strong. I wanted him to be strong. My brain reminded me that he needed to do this, he needed to go; I needed to let him go. My heart showed my brain the finger and told it to fuck off.

Seconds, maybe minutes, lapsed with neither of us talking. Finally he started some small talk, asking about my day. I mechanically ticked off the items I'd accomplished, the apathy for my tasks apparent in my tone. I started to get mad at myself for wasting this valuable time.

"Edward…" I blurted out eagerly.

"I'm here. What is it?" He replied.

"I…" I still didn't know what to say. "I…I love you. I already miss you. It's, well, I don't know. I feel like we should be giving each other reassurances or something. That I should be saying I have faith in us; that I know it will work out. I feel like I'm wasting this time, our time is limited and I'm wasting it! It's frustrating, because I can't think of anything to say, except I love you, and I miss you, and… I'm so nervous, and sad. I don't want to be sad, but I am." The words spewed from my mouth, unfiltered, too fast.

"Me too, love. I thought it was just me. You've been so positive about all of this and I've been in such a shit mood. I thought it was me." His sadness reverberated across the invisible line connecting us.

More time passed silently. We were desperate but unable to find words to heal ourselves.

I could hear airline staff making announcements in the background, and the ambient noise level grew. My pulse quickened, wondering if this was it... if this was when he'd have to go, leave me – again.

"Bella…" His voice cracked. "They're announcing boarding for my flight." Back to reality, it was a relief to know what to talk about again. "I'll stay on as long as I can. I found out where we're staying when we first get there. It's called Ludovisi Palace Hotel. Dad says his friend already has a few homes lined up for us to see." The facts were easier to talk about than our conflicted emotions.

I wrote down the hotel information on the newspaper I found on the coffee table. "Sounds like he's getting it all worked out. I'm glad you guys will be able to settle down quickly."

"It will never be home though, Bella, because you won't be there." He warbled.

My eyes welled up. I didn't think I was capable of crying any more, I was wrong. I didn't talk because I didn't want him to know that I was crying. Unfortunately, my attempt at breathing resulted in a watery gasp.

"Are you crying? Why are you crying? Please, baby, please don't cry."

His plea just brought out my sobs more. I cried on the phone to him as he handed in his boarding pass, I tried to stifle the sobs as he found his seat. I worked to steady my breathing as he stowed his carry on and buckled in. Throughout it all, he whispered his sentiments of love and assurances to me.

When I could speak again, with some measure of a voice, I thanked him. He would not accept my thanks.

"Sweetheart, I'm to blame for all of this. You don't need to thank me for my feeble attempt to comfort you while I am the one causing your pain. It's ludicrous. This whole fucking situation is ridiculous, and my dad is so selfish. It's cruel. It's cruel to you; it's cruel to me, to Alice, to Jasper. I wish he could just _see_ what he's doing to all of us."

My degree of anguish matched his level of anger. His anger towards his dad wasn't healthy, it wasn't productive, and it needed to stop.

"Edward. We've talked about this. This is a good opportunity for you and for Alice. You guys have an amazing chance to see things and learn about cultures you may never have otherwise. It's just hard right now, adapting to the change, but I'll be fine. You'll be fine. She'll be fine. We'll all be back together before we know it and laughing about what asses we made of ourselves." I could not believe _I_ was comforting _him_ now.

"I'm sure you're right. You always are. I'm just so mad right now. What if something happens, Bel? I won't be there for you. What if Jessica is bitchy towards you? What if some jerk hits on you? What if…"

I cut him off. "Edward, it is not your responsibility to protect me from every jerk or bitch I may encounter in life. I can handle that myself. It is your job, right now, to soak up as much as you can, and then get your ass back here to me. Don't waste your time worrying about shit that may never happen. Okay?"

"Okay." He sighed. "I love you."

"I love you too." I heard the flight attendant making her speech. "You need to go."

"Yeah, they're going to make me hang up in a sec. I'll call you the first moment I can."

"I know you will. Be safe, get some sleep."

"I will. I love you always."

"Always," I repeated. I kissed the phone and listened for him to disconnect.

"You first." He whispered.

"I can't. You have to."

"On the count of three, we'll do it at the same time, okay?" He paused, waiting for my confirmation.

"Okay." I didn't see another way. I knew we had to.

"One." He started.

"Two." I sniffled.

"Three."

There would be a minimum of nine hours of silence. Perhaps more. I decided to wait it out in the sanctuary of my bedroom. I put on one of his track shirts, gathered up my iPod and phone and huddled under the covers. I had about nine hours until I could talk to him again, until we'd be together again.

***

I must've fallen asleep. My eyes opened to dim light peeking through the window, a bird chirping somewhere in the distance. That bird had some fucking nerve.

My alarm clock flashed 8:13. He was there.

My mind tried to inquire as to why he hadn't called. I stopped that mess. It was only 8:13, he'd only been there a few minutes, assuming no delays. Nothing to worry about. Just to be safe, though, I got out my laptop and searched for his flight. It showed it landed in Rome safely.

I put on sweats and a hoodie and headed downstairs, my phone secure in my pocket.

Renee and Charlie were in the kitchen. I walked in and hugged them both before helping myself to a cup of coffee.

Uncharacteristically, Charlie spoke first. "Mornin', Bells. I didn't expect to see you up so early, looking so chipper."

Mom threw a dish towel at him, hurled him eye daggers and walked over to me. "What your father _meant_ to say, is that we're so happy to see you're doing so well, I guess we expected this to be harder on you."

"I can understand that. But, it's not like his being gone is permanent, and it's good for him and we're going to talk all the time. I know it'll be hard, but we'll make it. I'll see him again soon. I know it. Who knows, they may even come home for Christmas." I took a big sip of my liquid gold. I could do this.

Renee looked at Charlie and raised one eyebrow before returning her gaze to me. "Okay sweetie, well we're here for you, you know, even though it doesn't seem like you really need us right now. I think Emmett will be here soon, too."

Emmett. Right. "Maybe I should call him. I'm doing fine, maybe he doesn't need to come all the way here." I reached my hand to my phone in my pocket and pulled it out. The face was dim, no indicators of missed calls or waiting texts. I held it in my hand, staring blankly.

Charlie brought me out of my head. "Nah, no need to call him, he's already on the way. He called about an hour ago to check on you."

I shook my head to clear the fog, nodded and headed back upstairs. I swirled the coffee around in the cup and sat on my bed. I wondered if they'd be home for the holidays, how long it took mail to get there, if I needed to get an international plan for my cell phone. I thought about getting a passport so I could go visit them. I stared out the window, watching the leaves rustle in the tree, looking for patterns in the clouds. I wondered how much longer I'd have to wait until he called.

88 minutes later my phone rang.

I opened it without looking at the caller ID or number. "Edward?!" I hoped beyond hope it was him.

"Hi Beautiful. We're here, at the hotel. This is a pay phone, though, the new cells weren't in. I don't have that long to talk. I'm sorry I didn't call earlier. I crashed when we got here." He still sounded tired.

I let go of the stale breath in my lungs. A tear fell from my eye. "Oh God, baby. I'm so glad you called. I'm glad you're there safe." I had so many questions, mostly, though, I just wanted to hear his voice. I continued. "How was your flight? How is Rome? What's the hotel like?"

He laughed a little. "Fine, nice and old."

Sarcasm. I had to smile. "Okay mister talkative. Tell me about it. Please, I just want to listen to you for a bit, pretend you're here."

He sighed into the phone and then started to tell me about the long and boring plane trip, about how much Alice bothered him the whole way, about the too small cab, about the dingy walls of the city, about the magnificence of the history. "And the hotel, Bella, it's beautiful. Right out of an old movie. Thick red curtains, guys with mustaches, wine everywhere, those little mopeds. It's pretty cool, actually."

He sounded happy. That was a good thing. Right?

I stifled back a threatening tear and told him I thought it was great that the city was wonderful. I knew he'd like it there.

It was quiet for a moment before he started talking again. "How are you, Bells? Are you hanging in there okay? Has Emmett made it there yet? I love you. I miss you. I wish you were here. You'd love it."

The stupid tear got free. I took a deep breath before trying to talk. "I'm okay. Emmett is supposed to be here soon; mom and dad are here. I haven't been crying. I slept last night. I'm wearing your shirt, and it still smells like you, so that helps. I'm trying to stay positive. I was thinking about the holidays and wondering if maybe you guys were going to come home or maybe I could even visit if you weren't."

"I don't know about the holidays yet, but I'm sure we'll figure it out. It won't be worth celebrating if I'm not with you." He was almost whispering now. I wondered if this conversation was as hard on him as it was on me.

"This is weird, knowing the only way I get to be with you is on the phone." My brain filter was saturated with saline.

"I know." He sniffled. "It's only temporary though. We need to remember that. Hey, maybe we can get webcams, and then we can actually see each other."

That thought made me smile. Seeing him would definitely help. "I love it. I'll go get one today."

"Awesome. I don't think we have internet access here, though. It may take a few days for me to figure that out on my end." He sighed. "Hopefully the new phones will get here soon too. If you need me, though, you can call the hotel and leave a message. They promised me they'd get it to me."

I was disappointed I'd have to wait to see his face again. I was a little disturbed by the fact that I had to wait for him to call me, that I couldn't just hit the #3 on my phone and he'd pick up, that I couldn't email him. I had to wait. I hated waiting. "When will you call again?"

There was silence for a few seconds. "I'll try to call again tonight. I haven't slept much, and it's evening here, so I guess I'll eat something and then sleep for the night then I'll call. I think that timing works out. What time is it there?" He paused. "Wait, why aren't you at school?"

"I took a mental health day. It was Renee's idea." I never missed school, so this one day wasn't a big deal.

"Okay. I won't call too late then. God, this is weird. I love you."

Fear built up in my throat, closing it off. I felt like I was being choked. "I… I love you too." I tried with all my strength to hold back the tears. I didn't need to make this harder on him.

"I'll talk to you soon love." His tone was compassionate; he knew this was hard on me.

"Okay." I held the phone away and let out a staccato breath which would give away my sobbing. "I love you too. Sleep well." I watched the phone status change from active back to my home screen. He was gone.

I stared at the phone for I don't know how long, with my knees pulled tightly into my chest, arms wrapped securely around them. I think I may have rocked myself a bit.

I couldn't call him. I couldn't get him.

I put on my headphones, turned on my iPod, shook my head, trying to get rid of those thoughts which were sure to bring me down, and tried to only think of the possibilities. We'd talk. My not being able to call him was temporary. He'd get a new phone. We'd chat online, with video even. It'd be okay. It had to be. I just simply had to wait.

Emmett appeared with a sandwich and a glass of milk. I hadn't heard him come home.

He sat down beside me and put the food on the bedside table. He looked at me carefully, scrutinizing me, looking for any indication I wasn't holding up.

After a few seconds, I'd had enough. "Satisfied?" I said as I raised one eyebrow.

He crunched his eyebrows together at me quizzically. "Satisfied? With what? I brought you lunch and came to check on you. So far, you seem pretty bitchy, so no; I can't say that I _am_ satisfied."

Great, he was going to be protective big brother and an ass, at the same time. This should be fun. I decided to try to assuage his fears for my sanity first. Maybe the asshole part would go away. "I talked to him a few minutes ago. I'm fine. You didn't need to come."

"A few minutes ago, huh? What time do you think it is?" He looked at me through narrow eyes.

"I don't know. Ten thirty maybe? Eleven?" I tried to look around him for a clock. Then I remembered the phone in my hand. It was three. Shit. I looked up at him bashfully. "Okay, so I lost track of time. I'm okay though. Really."

He nodded. "So what've you been up to all day?"

I looked around the room. What _had_ I been doing? "Um," I started, "I've been listening to music."

"What've you been listening to?" What was he? Some sort of demented reporter?

"I don't know." I spat. "Fucking music, _okay_?"

He put his hand on my shoulder, trying to pull me into a hug. I resisted. "Bells, we're just worried, okay? I mean your boyfriend just moved half way around the world. It's expected that you'll be kinda shaken up by this. It's okay."

I gaped at him. "Okay?!? It's _okay_? How the _fuck_ do you know that it's okay, or that it'll _be_ okay. _Nothing_ is okay Emmett. Just leave me alone. I was _okay_ when I was alone. _You_ are pissing me off."

He stood up and stared at me. He didn't blink. He didn't flinch. He just stared. "Bells, just remember I'm here, here for you, downstairs, waiting. I can be a shoulder to cry on, or I can make you enormous ice cream sundaes or watch terrible movies with you or even paint your fucking toenails if that makes you happy. You're lashing out at me. I accept that. When you're done, and you want company, I'm here." He finally blinked before he turned and left.

As if ice cream and toenail polish would change anything. Idiot.

After he left I resumed my position on my bed, coffee cup in hand, hood pulled over my head, body covered with my blanket.

Time passed.

I looked out of my window to find it was now dark outside. I wasn't sure how much time had passed, but I was now painfully aware of my bladder. I unburied myself and left my room, seeking relief. I bumped into Emmett in the hallway; he was blocking the entrance to the bathroom, and for some unknown reason refused to budge. I glared at him. He cocked his head to the side and studied me.

"Emmett! Get the fuck out of the way already or I'm going to pee on the floor!" I shoved past him and walked into the bathroom. It fucking stunk in there. Rude bastard.

When I'd finished my business, I stormed into Emmett's room. "Why do you have to be such a fucking animal?" I spat the words at him and then turned to leave. I heard him sigh to my back.

I went back to my room and resumed my position.

Time passed.

I looked outside and there was some light. I didn't remember sleeping. I didn't remember doing _anything._

I suddenly remembered my words to Emmett last time I'd seen him. I wondered if he was still here or if he'd gone back to school. I gathered up the energy to dig myself out of my bed and headed downstairs, yesterday's coffee cup in hand.

Renee, Charlie and Emmett were all in the kitchen, drinking their coffee and talking. There was a collective gasp when I entered the room. I didn't know if it was due to the fact that I'd appeared or my actual appearance. Either way, I didn't give a fuck.

Mom broke the ice. "Bella, honey? What are you doing down here wearing that? You're going to be late for school."

School… school. School? Really? It honestly hadn't occurred to me that I needed to go to school today. The thought of school paralyzed me. Everyone there knew he was gone. What if they asked me about it? What if they asked me if we'd talked? We'd only talked the one time, I'd expected his call since then, but… I'm sure he just wasn't able to, or maybe he was still asleep.

"Bells?" Dad's turn to try to get me to re-engage. My eyes met his for a moment before returning to my coffee cup.

Emmett got up and grabbed the coffee pot. "How about I pour ya some new coffee?" He poured some in the cup and patted my head. The strong coffee smell washed over me as I started to process the fact that I was expected to act normally. That didn't seem possible. My face grew hot and bile rose in my throat. I was suddenly aware I was going to be sick. I put my cup down before racing down the hallway to the bathroom and throwing up.

Renee followed me in, holding my hair back and trying to calm me. "Maybe you should stay home today."

I appreciated her offer, but I knew tomorrow would be no better. If anything, the anticipation and anxiety would just be even more built up. Once I could speak again, I told her I'd clean myself up and get it over with, but that I appreciated her offer. She hugged me and kissed my cheek, and I headed upstairs.

I was shocked to see the time. It was already past 7:30. School would start in 30 minutes. I needed to hurry. I brushed my teeth and hair and swapped my sweatpants out for a pair of jeans. I put on my shoes and headed back downstairs. Renee looked me over skeptically, obviously recognizing the fact that I hadn't changed out of Edward's shirt or the hoodie. She wasn't going to challenge me on this today, though.

Emmett offered to drive me to school. I initially said no, but he insisted, so I got into his jeep and off we went. The ride was quiet. I felt bad about the time in the hallway and decided I needed to try to make it right. "Em…" I started as I turned to look at him. "I'm sorry, Em. I…"

He cut me off, shaking his head and holding his hand up between us. "You don't need to apologize, Bell. I know you were just reacting like that because you're all emotionally strung out. Did you even sleep last night? And what's with the puking this morning? Are you okay?"

I'd forgotten that I'd not slept. "Um, well I'm not sure what I did last night, to be honest. I don't think I slept though. As for the puking; I'm not sure, the smell of the coffee hit me, and then I kinda panicked. I think."

"Huh." He said, looking at me hard. "Well? Did you talk to him?"

My eyes fell to my folded hands. "Only the one time still. I'm sure he just slept a long time; it was a really long day."

Emmett pursed his lips and nodded. "Yeah, that must be it. No other reason, really is there?" We'd reached the school's parking lot, and I hopped out. I was surprised when Emmett followed me, and I raised an eyebrow to show my confusion.

"I just figured I'd stop by and say hi to some people, you know since I'm here. And I figured I could hang out in the library during your class and work on my own stuff and then meet up with you for lunch and take you home after school." He looked hesitantly hopeful.

I was blown away by his thoughtfulness. He knew how hard this was going to be for me. My Emmett, always my protector. "I'd like that, thank you Em. You're the best big brother ever."

He hugged me gently, and we walked into school.

Sure enough, people were looking at me. Emmett didn't leave my side though, walking me to my first class and then even going in to say hi to the teacher. He waived to me before leaving, and I heard Lauren mutter behind me, "He's gone one day and that slut has already moved on."

Bile rose in my throat for the second time that day, and I said, too loudly, "He's my fucking brother, you whore!" I ran out of the room to the bathroom and threw up again. I felt so shitty. I started to wonder if I had food poisoning, but then again, I hadn't really eaten in awhile. After splashing cold water on my face, I pulled up the hood of my hoodie and made my way back out there.

Emmett was leaning against the opposite wall, looking concerned. He must've heard my exchange with Lauren while still in my classroom. Angela was with him. She came to me and hugged my shoulders, trying to convey her sympathy and support. I chanced a look at her, and when the tears welled up again, looked away. This was going to be a long day.

And it was, although I made it through the rest of the day incident free. Emmett sat with me outside during lunch break. He bought me a sandwich and an apple, but I couldn't stomach the thought of food. The rest of the day passed; I couldn't recall a single word anybody had said to me, but at 4:00 I was home again and in my bed. A little math told me it was 1:00 a.m. in Rome. How was this ever going to work? In order for it to be reasonable for both of us, he'd have to call me at 8 a.m. his time or earlier or, I guessed just on the weekends. I wasn't sure yet how the texting would work, but surely he could email. Once he got internet again.

I opened my laptop and logged into my email just to check. Nothing. I wasn't surprised, but that didn't stop the disappointment.

A flutter in my stomach made me think of food for the first time in quite awhile, so I closed up my laptop, grabbed my phone just to be safe, and headed down to the kitchen.

Downstairs mom was in the kitchen stirring a large pot. I wandered over, peered in and smiled as I realized what she'd made. Homemade chicken soup. She always said it was good for what ailed you, and I believed her. I didn't think it'd cure my aching heart, but I'd enjoy it nonetheless.

I grabbed a package of Ritz crackers and sat down at the table. She tried to engage me in small talk about my day, and I kept up with her for a few minutes. At some point, dad and Emmett had joined us, and before I knew it, a bowlful of the steaming soup was laid in front of me.

I sipped some off of the spoon, enjoying the small comfort of the warmth as it traveled down my throat. The heat burned my tongue a bit, but I enjoyed that too. I sat stirring my soup, registering that my family was here with me, attempting to carry on with their normal lives. I heard their discussions, but I didn't listen. I didn't know what they were talking about, but their presence with me grounded me on a primal level. I knew I wasn't alone. I sighed and took another sip, surprised by how much the soup had cooled. I looked up and realized everyone else had finished. I'd spaced out again.

I gave a small smile and turned my head to look at Renee. "This is really good, mom. Thanks for making it for me."

She reached over and softly moved my hair away from my face. "It seemed like a little old fashioned comfort food was in order. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Heck, I'm just glad to see you eating."

Emmett nodded his head, obviously concerned. It was so nice, him being home. That thought queued on the next, and a little panic entered my voice as I asked him how long he was going to be able to stay.

He hesitantly replied, "I gotta go back tomorrow morning, Bells. I can be back here anytime you need me though. Okay? I don't want to go, but I really can't miss my Wednesday night lab. I'm sorry sweetie, I really am. Any other class I could skip, but this lab was really hard to get into, and it's critical for my major." He paused, staring at me. "But you're hurting, and you're more important, so maybe I should stay after all. The professor will understand. I think."

God he was sweet. "No, Em. You need to take care of yourself, too. Mom and dad are here for me. I may need to call you a little extra, though, if that's okay."

He got up from his chair and came over to kiss my head. "Of course it is. Anytime." He squeezed my shoulders with his strong hands and told the room he'd be back in a few minutes.

I offered to help clean up, and when Renee declined, I grabbed the package of Ritz I'd had, excused myself as well and headed back to my room.

I sat on my bed with my math homework and my crackers, intent on getting something done tonight. I saw a picture of Edward and me taken over the summer on my desk and got up to get it before settling down on the bed again. I fingered our happy faces and pondered the time when everything seemed perfect.

A knock on the door brought me out of my reverie, and Emmett entered carrying a cup of tea. He looked at me and shrugged before he started talking. "I expected to see you downstairs, and when you didn't come down all night I decided I'd come find you, and well, mom was having tea, so I thought you might like some too."

It had only been a few minutes, what did he mean didn't come back down? "I was just doing my math homework, I'll be down after."

Emmett raised one eyebrow and looked at me quizzically. "Bells, it's 11:30. Mom and dad have gone to bed. You've been up here for hours."

A flash of panic streaked through my blood as I realized I'd zoned out again. I figured out it was early morning in Rome, so I decided to stay up a little while longer, just in case he'd call.

Returning my attention to Emmett, I patted the bed beside me. "God, I'm sorry, Em. I just came up here to get a little work done, and..." I looked down at the picture frame in my lap, "Well, I guess I got distracted." I wrapped my arms around his arm which was next to me and rested my head on his shoulder. "It's hard, Em. So hard." Silent tears fell from my eyes as I sobbed a wet patch into his shirt sleeve. He sat there quietly, letting me have my moment.

Once I'd stopped crying, I lifted my head, so I could see his face. His eyes were soft and compassionate; there wasn't an ounce of judgment or anything else negative in them. He kissed my forehead and said, "I'm sure it is, sweetie. It'll get better though. It's only been a few days; you guys will work out a routine. You haven't heard from him at all?"

I shook my head. "Not since the day they got there. He said their cells weren't there, and there wasn't really any internet connection. I was hoping he'd call again tonight. I don't even know how to call him."

"You have the hotel name, don't you. We could look up the phone number." This time, there was hope in his eyes.

I liked this idea; Edward had mentioned it before, too. "Mom and dad will kill me when they see the bill." I said, smiling.

"Well, keep it short then. I think they'll agree that your happiness and sanity are worth a few bucks." He grinned a cheesy, conspiratorial grin at me and stood, gathering my laptop. "So, what's the name of their new digs?"

"Ludovisi Palace Hotel." I told him, reading from the newspaper I'd written it on. I wasn't sure how that paper had made it up to my room.

He nodded his head and found the number. He handed my phone to me.

I stared at it for a few moments before he asked, "Want me to dial?"

I nodded. "Talk too?"

He took the phone back and punched in what seemed like way too many numbers before putting it to his ear. "Hello?" He listened. "Speak English?" He nodded. "I'd like to talk to a guest, Edward Cullen." Pause. "Guest… visitor… someone staying there. Cullen?" He shook his head slightly. "No phones? Can I leave a message?" Pause. "Can you give him a message?" Pause. "A note, from me?" He nodded, "Yes, that's it. Thank you. One minute, please."

He looked at me. "Well, what do you want to say? There are no phones to transfer the call to, so he will give him a message."

What did I want to say? Indeed. I wanted to hell him how much I loved him, that I missed him terribly, that it was so hard to be here without him, how I felt physically weakened without him nearby, but that I had faith in us, that I knew it would all work out. "Tell him I love him, and to call home."

Emmett shrugged and repeated my message into the phone. "No, I'm not Bella." He sighed. "My sister, here, never mind, just give him the message, please. Grazie." He pushed the end button on my phone and handed it back to me. "He'll call, Bells, and I'm sure it will make his day to see that you called him."

I smiled and hugged my big brother. "Thanks for the great idea. I never knew you were a romantic."

His cheeks reddened a bit. "Uhh.." He stuttered. "I'm not, it's just, well, you know." I giggled at his embarrassment and stood up.

"Yeah, I know, you big softy. Now get outta here so I can finish my homework and go to bed."

He stood up and hugged me, pausing at the door and turning to me on his way out. "Night, Bells. Everything will work out just fine. I promise."

I really did feel good, taking back some of the control. "I know it will. Thanks for being here, Em. I owe you a big one."

He waived his hand at me, as if flicking away my comment. "You don't owe me squat, Bells. Taking care of you is in my job description."

I managed to finish my homework in about an hour. I felt good, having accomplished something. I went to the bathroom to do my nighttime rituals I'd ignored the last few days and changed into a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and another one of Edward's shirts. I'd amassed quite the collection over time. I snuggled in and fell asleep.

My phone made an unfamiliar noise, waking me. I grabbed it, noting it was three in the morning.

"Hello?" My sleepy voice rasped out.

"Hi, sweetheart. I'm sorry for calling you so late, or early, I guess, but I just don't know when there will be another chance." His voice sounded worried or something.

"Edward! Sweetie, you never have to apologize. Call me anytime. I miss you. How are you?" I coughed to clear the sleepy from my voice.

"I'm fine, baby. How are you?" He didn't sound fine. I'm sure I didn't either.

"I'm fine, too." I lied. "I miss you a lot though." He didn't need the details on how much my life had changed since he'd left, how time would disappear, how I kept getting sick, how disconnected I felt. What purpose would that serve?

"God, baby, I miss you too. So much. I'm sorry I didn't call earlier. I think we're going out today to get the phones. We're going to see a house, too. How's school? Is Emmett there?" I could hear people milling about in the background; I didn't understand any of their words.

"Yeah, he's here. I'm really glad, too. School was, um, fine." Liar. He didn't need to know how badly school sucked without him there. "Great news about the phones. Are you excited to see the house?"

"Yeah, I guess so. It'll be nice to settle in. We've all been sleeping a lot lately."

I nodded. "Did you get my note?" I smiled, waiting for his happy reply.

"What note? You sent a note? When? Where?" He sounded interested and concerned. Possibly a little pissed, too.

"Yeah, I, well Emmett, actually, called and left a little message with the front desk guy. A few hours ago." I was disappointed he didn't get it, but at the same time, I was happy he'd made the decision to call me anyway, not needed my note.

"Hmm. No, I didn't get it. I'll have to check with him. He's kinda a punk, best I can tell. What did it say?"

"It just said I loved you, and to call home." I smiled, hugged myself. Feeling the fabric of his shirt on my body. Enjoying the bond.

"Home. Yea." He said quietly. "I love you Bella."

"I love you too, Edward." A yawn escaped my mouth. I clamped my hand down over it before another could creep out.

He laughed. "You should get some sleep. You have school in a few hours. I'll call you again as soon as I can, and I'm going to go find my message."

I didn't want to hang up yet, but he was right. It wasn't like this would be our last conversation. "Okay. I guess I am still kinda sleepy. I love you, have a good day. Call when you can."

"Goodnight, my love, sleep well." He said.

"Have a good day, my love. Be safe." I said. We were half a world apart, but I tried to put that fact out of my mind, and take comfort in the expanse our love created. We hung up after a few more I love you's and I went to my happy place – wrapped in Edward's arms.

* * *

**End Note: So, he's gone. They're apart and they're having some trouble sorting out their communication issues.**

**Up next we'll hear a little from Edward, via his writings.**

**Review! Review!**


	7. Change is Not Always for the Good

*sorry for the double alert, I had uploading issues

**A/N: Few brief things about this chapter. First, I know I said this update would come quickly, and it didn't happen nearly as quickly as I'd anticipated. Second, it's shorter than usual. Action-fucking-packed, but short.  
I very much appreciate all the lovely reviews and the new favorites and story alerts. A great many of you figured out some of what's below.  
Thanks and love to Annanabanana for the beta.  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight, except for an Edward doll and a few things here & there.**

Ch 7 Edward's Journal.

Friday, October 6, 2006  
I have no one to talk to, so I'm ditch-diving here and writing in a fucking journal. Carlisle seems to think it will help. We'll see. Unbelievable how hard it is to fucking communicate with home from here. No phones in our fucking rooms. No fucking internet. What kind of third world country is this, anyway? Plus, after my laptop battery died, I had to get a fucking adapter before I could even turn the damn thing on again. Fuck.

The hotel sucks. There is nothing here at all that makes it feel like home, and I'm already tired of living like a fucking tourist. The bed is stiff; the sheets are scratchy. My dirty laundry is starting to pile up fast. I haven't had a home cooked meal since we left. I can't watch t.v. since I don't speak Italian. I watched a few movies on my laptop until the fucking battery died and then it took me the better part of two days to get a freaking adapter so I could start recharging my shit.

I'm ready for a house or an apartment; something more regular. We all are though. Mom is going nuts; she is spending all of her time looking at places. I'm sure she'll have one for us soon. I think we're all going to see a place she found today.

I'm lonely. Alice and I hang out and play cards, but it gets old fast. We've explored the few blocks around the hotel. That was okay. Took a few pics. It's boring. I'm so bored I can't even jerk off.

I wish I were home.

Not being able to talk to Bella is driving me bat-shit crazy. Fuck's sake… I didn't know that the time difference would matter so much. Every time it's good for me to call her, it's like two a.m. there. I go to call her just to realize it's the middle of her school day. I need to set an alarm so I get up and call her before it's too late her time. If I call her when it's eight in the morning here, it's like 11 pm there, and then I could tuck her in. Ya, that might be nice. Maybe open things up for a little phone sex. End my dry spell… Or, if I call at one a.m. here, its four there, and she could tuck me in, also nice, except I have to use a public phone. Gross. I need a fucking cell phone. I guess the dry spell continues. Carlisle is now saying that he wants to wait until we're settled in our new house before we get the phones. It won't be home though. Home will always be where she is.

Thank fuck the weekend is almost here. I don't have to try to remember when she should be sleeping or when she's in school. She won't care if I wake her up in the middle of the night over the weekend. She probably wouldn't care if I woke her up during the week either, but I have to be considerate of her needs. We have weekends. At least we have that.

As angry as I am, Alice is as sad. She would give Sylvia fucking Plath a run for her money. I wonder if Bella is sad like that. It hadn't really occurred to me, but not only did Carlisle take me away from her, he took Alice away from her too. Now she is missing her boyfriend and her best friend. I wish I could've figured out a way to bring her. Maybe I still can. I'll have to see if Alice has any ideas.

Alice… I wish I could help her. It kills me to see her like this. I just can't. I barely have enough mental energy to hold myself together.

Speaking of…Alice just confirmed that we're going to see the house today. I could care less what it looks like so long as there's room for me to store my shit and a working phone line. Otherwise, whatever makes them happy is fine with me. I'm just biding my time until I can go back anyway. Until my Italian prison sentence is over.

There is some bullshit get together tonight that Carlisle's new boss is throwing us, some sort of welcome party catastrophe. None of us speak the fucking language, so that should be fun. Upside, it is fucking Italy, so there is guaranteed to be something worth drinking. Gotta figure out a way to call her before. Don't want to drunk dial, or be too drunk to dial.

Saturday, October 7, 2006  
I woke up with a note from Alice pinned to my pillow. It said, "We need to talk about last night." I knew that was coming though.

Backing up, I did manage to call Bella before the party, although I only had about ten minutes with her since we were on the way to the party. She had just made it home from school. Ten minutes earlier and I would've missed her; ten minutes later and we would've left already. Fuck my life.  
She sounded off. I mean, I know she misses me. If she misses me a hundredth of how much I miss her, she's in the seventh circle of hell, but even still, she sounded off - like she was hiding something. She probably didn't want to make me feel guilty for being gone. It'd be just like her to play strong for me.

And then last night, I went and fucked up everything good in my life.

I was right about the drinks. Free flowing liquor as far as the eye could see, and I can see pretty damn well. Within the first hour, I'd had at least two shots and two beers, and I didn't stop there. I remember Alice trying to coax me outside at one point because she'd found a pay phone nearby and she had her calling card, but I told her I didn't feel like listening to her fuck Jasper over the phone and handed her her coat.

I sat at a piano bench and toyed around a bit. People were handing me drinks and requesting songs. I remember playing for awhile before a girl sat down beside me. I think her name was Tanya, maybe it was Sonia, I don't really know. She spoke some English, and it was a nice change. I mean, a lot of people there spoke a few words; everyone can say 'hi' or 'hello' just like we can all say 'ciao' or 'hola,' but this girl could, like, form sentences. I shouldn't have talked to her, but I did. Alice was gone and, well, fuck, I was just talking, just being nice, really. She asked me about playing, about where we were staying, small shit like that. We kept drinking. She asked me if I had a girlfriend, and I told her I did. That she was at home, waiting for me - that I loved her and could barely breathe this stupid Italian air without choking on it because I missed her so much. I told her how sad it was being so far from home. I may have teared up a little. She wiped away my tear and ran her fingers through my hair, trying to calm me, I guess. She got me a new drink and then we moved to a couch. She cuddled up to me, and it was comforting and warm. I had another drink, and before I realized it she was on me, straddling my lap. That's bad enough, but my fucking dick took over, and my hands were on her, fuck, they were under her shirt, and her tongue was in my mouth, and I didn't stop her. I have no clue how long it was like that. More than a few seconds, though. Just as guilt joined us on the couch and I was coming to my senses, Alice was back. She saw me. Of course she did.  
I am such a massive, throbbing, haemorrhoidal asshole. They deserve better than me. Alice deserves better. Bella certainly fucking deserves better. She trusted me. I made a promise to her, and I broke it. Nothing else matters. I desecrated what I considered sacred, and now I must atone for my sins.

I will find a way to deserve her again.  
Sunday, October 8  
I should probably start writing the dates backwards, like the Euro-fag that I'm forced to be. Trade in my baseball cap for a fucking beret and my dick for a vagina.

Stupid fucking bitch Tanya. Ruined my fucking life.

One good thing about living in Europe – nobody frowns on a teenager drinking at lunch.

I have to say goodbye. Somehow. Explain to her how I've failed her. Then, I have to leave her and fix myself. Blood. Sweat. Whatever it takes.

BPOV  
I was able to talk to Edward on Friday before he went to some get-together his father had gotten them all invited to. He didn't sound too happy about going, but I was glad he was basically being forced to go. He needed to get out more.

Really, I was just glad this week was over. School was so weird without Alice or Edward. I'd become so accustomed to spending all of my time with them that I didn't know what to do with myself now. Thank God Angela was still around. She and Ben took me in at lunch time and gave me someone to talk to. Mike had started talking to me again, too, and I guess that's alright, so long as he didn't try any of that bullshit again like he did before. That weird kid, James, had been unusually friendly too. I wasn't sure if he'd been there the whole time or not, but he seemed to be everywhere.

Since Edward was gone, I had to get a new lab partner. James, of course. He kinda creeped me out but not for any particular reason. It was probably just the fact that he sat in Edward's seat. We were assigned a project to be completed by Wednesday the following week, one of those lame keep the pet alive projects. I tried to ask what they did with them all after the project was over, but Mr. Banner just looked at me funny and shrugged. Creep.

Anyway, so I volunteered to take the first day, and James would be coming over to pick the little rodent up on Sunday morning. Then we'd trade again on Monday after school.

After I'd gotten off the phone from talking with Edward, I fed the little creature - I hadn't picked out a name yet - changed his cage materials, which smelled so bad, cleaned myself up and went to bed early.

At some point, mom came in to check on me. She sat down on the bed, and I felt her smooth the hair back from my forehead. I opened my groggy eyes at her questioningly.

"Just checking on you sweetie, it's not like you to go to bed so early. I just wanted to make sure you weren't sick. It doesn't feel like you have a fever. Feeling okay"

I hadn't really realized it was unusually early. I'd become accustomed to losing track of time, and since I was so tired, I just assumed it was bed time.

"I'm fine, mom," I told her. "I was just really tired, so after I talked to Edward and took care of the hamster, I just went to bed. What time is it anyway"

"It's just now nine, honey. You've been up here all afternoon, so I really don't know when you went to bed. Do you want anything to eat"

I contemplated this for a moment. Nope, not hungry. "Nah, I'm good, mom. Thanks for offering, but I think I'm just a little overtired from the stress of Edward and Alice being gone, and my body needs the extra rest. I guess since I already talked to him tonight, my body just decided it could relax. I'm fine, really"

"Okay, sweetie. You sleep well then." She kissed me on the forehead and left.

I closed my eyes and slipped off to sleep.

The next morning, I awoke to a horrible smell. I cringed and crawled out of my bed to find the offensive odor. I headed for the kitchen to find my dad cooking breakfast sausage and scrambled eggs. Nothing weird there, so I stopped pinching my nose shut to get a cup of morning goodness.

The first noseful I got turned my stomach like a cheap state fair roller coaster. I ran to the nearest bathroom and hurled. I couldn't believe I was sick again. I'd felt fine yesterday.

Mom was waiting for me outside the door with a grim expression on her face. "You okay?" She asked.

I nodded.

"Bella, I think we need to talk"

Mom led us into her room and closed the door. "Bella, I'm worried about you. You're sick all of the time, you're tired, emotional, not eating. As I see it, one of two things can be going on here"

I looked at her, confused. "Okay. I just think I'm a little overstressed and depressed. I feel better though. Less sad for sure"

"That's great, honey. I'm glad to hear you're coping." She paused, taking my hand between hers. "Bella…" She paused again, having a really hard time saying whatever it was she was trying to say. "Is it possible…" Were her eyes tearing up? "Is it possible that you're pregnant"

What?

Did she say pregnant?

No… I shook my head. Couldn't be pregnant, I was on the pill. "How could I be?" I asked her before continuing. "I'm on the pill, you know that"

She nodded. "I know you were prescribed it. I don't know if you've been taking it correctly, or, honestly, if it's even been long enough for it to take effect"

What did she mean 'long enough?

"It takes some time to get into your system." I wasn't sure if I'd said the words out loud, or if she just correctly interpreted my silence.

"I…" I had no words.

I just looked at her, my red eyes now matching hers. "I don't know. I… I thought it was safe." It was, wasn't it? "I think it has to be something else. What was your other idea"

Could I be pregnant? I was only 18. No.

"If you're not pregnant, then you need to get this checked out. Well, I guess, either way, you need to get checked out." She smoothed my hair back behind my ear. "Do you want to take a home test"

My pulse skyrocketed. I most certainly did not want to take a home test. This couldn't be happening to me. It couldn't be true. Edward was across the fucking globe from me. I shook my head furiously.

"Okay honey. Well, if you change your mind, I'll be happy to go with you and hold your hand while you wait." She smiled sweetly and stood up. "Try to eat something, okay"

"Sure, mom." Food was the farthest thing from my mind right now. I had to call him. What would I say though? I didn't know anything, other than my mom thought I might be pregnant. God, that word. That word would change everything.

I found my way back into the kitchen and made myself a plate of breakfast, trying to ignore the urge to gag. The toast went down smoothly, and that seemed to make mom happy. She and dad kept exchanging knowing glances at each other. I guessed he was in on her suspicions. I can't imagine how I badly I must have disappointed him.

After I'd eaten my toast and a few bites of other things, I excused myself. Maybe I wasn't ready to talk to Edward, but I had someone I could talk to.

"Sup lil'sis?" Emmett's voice boomed warmly into my ear.

"Em, I, uh, I need some help." This was going to be harder than I thought. "Um, before you go getting all threatening to call the cops, they're already onto me"

"Huh? What the fuck are you talking about, Bells?" I could practically hear him scratching his head at that one.

"When we came back from my birthday party, you threatened to tell dad if I so much as gave a funny look. Well, I think dad already knows, so you can relax, you don't have to rat me out." He didn't laugh. I thought he'd see that as funny.

"Bella, spit it out"

"Mom thinks I might be pregnant. I've been getting sick a lot, she says I'm sleeping more than usual too. I don't know, though. I was on the pill. Still am. I don't know how it could've happened. I'm afraid"

He inhaled slowly and loudly, blowing out the air at a very even pace before the mumbling started. I heard words like "castrate" and "sad sack motherfucker."  
"Does he know?" His voice was even, forcibly controlled.  
"How could he? I don't even know"

"I cannot believe I'm going to ask you this. Are you late"

I hadn't thought about it. When was my last period? Before my birthday for sure. About the first of the month. Last month. It should be now. Crap. "It should be now. Oh my God. Em, what am I going to do"

Panic. Oh my god. I couldn't do this. No way. I don't know how to be a mother. I don't want to be a mother, not now anyway. What if… what if he…didn't want it? Did I?

"Bella!" Emmett's voice raised. "Bella, are you there? Bella"

I shook my head, clearing my fog. "Sorry, Em. Spaced out there. I'm here. Sorry"

"Fuck, you scared me there. Okay, so we'll work this out. Can you get a test to find out for sure"

My heart leapt into my throat as tears sprung to my eyes. "I…I don't know. I guess. Mom said she'd go. I don't know if I'm ready for mom yet"

"I can get it for you. I'll be there tonight. Tell mom to make my favorite meatloaf"

"Thank you, Em," I sobbed into the phone. "Thank you, I don't know how to do this alone"

"You're not alone, Bel. You're never alone"

**A/n: The proverbial shit is hitting the fan, shall we say? Many of you saw the pregnancy coming. Anyone know what's in store for our boy?**


	8. Family

**Many thanks to the fabulous and lovely Annanabanana for going over this with me umpteen times. These chapters are hard to write, although the next one is underway. Thank you for your patience between chapters. **

The sun was dying; the mice and cockroaches would inherit the Earth. There could be no other reason to explain how my life could've become so fucked up so fast, totally blindsiding me. A few short days ago I was a nearly straight A student, the next, a bleak statistic. What would I? could I? do about college, about my career? How would I support someone else when I didn't have the means to support myself? Did I need to drop out of school and get a job? Could I even live here still? What about after the baby came? Yesterday, the world was my proverbial oyster; today it seemed like my own, personal, suffocating coffin.

My mind reeled with unanswerable questions. Lurking in there somewhere was the one I hated the most: Would I keep it? Should I?

Before I got too far ahead of myself, I had to find out for sure if I was..._pregnant_. I still couldn't wrap my brain around that word. I'd done everything right - I'd waited, gone to the doctor, used protection, sorta. Possibly there was some user error on the protection front, but the good intentions had been there, why couldn't this be one of those times when good intentions were enough?

How was it possible that skanks like Jessica and Lauren, who slept with anyone willing to fork out twenty bucks for dinner and a movie, didn't get knocked up, and I did? Where was the logic in that? Why was karma biting _me_ in the ass and not them? God, when they found out... I shuddered to think.

Emmett assured me he'd be here soon. Mom knew what was going on, surely dad did too, so nobody would be too concerned with my ensuring my peaceful abode within the sanctity of my blanket until he got here. Nothing in my life was secure anymore; everything had been tipped on it's end, but my blanket still warmed me. It was dependable, when little else was.

I sat with my arms wrapped around my curled up knees and gently rocked. I tried to slow the nonstop questions spinning through my consciousness, with little success. Visions of auburn haired little girls on swingsets flashed in my mind, followed all too quickly by a vision of me- destitute and broken. It was making me insane.

I needed facts. If I was..._pregnant_...then I had decisions to make, events to plan, of one sort or another. I needed my brother. Who I _really_ needed was a zillion miles away from me, but truly, what did it matter? I was too afraid to talk to him right now. What if he didn't want it? Did that mean that I did want it? Didn't I need to figure out what I wanted before caring about what anybody else wanted? But then again, I doubted I could do this on my own, so maybe knowing if I would be alone should factor into the decision. Which I didn't even know if I needed to make yet. Sigh.

My door creaked open, and I heard heavy footsteps approach. Em was here. I blew out a huge lungful of air and uncovered myself.

He took one look at me and sighed. "Ready to get this over with?" He said.

He was right. There was no need for pleasantries today, no beating around the bush. I nodded my head and stood up.

Once I had my shoes on we headed to his car. "Walgreens?" He asked.

There weren't too many choices. I nodded my assent.

It was a short and silent trip to the drug store. He parked; I froze. Terrified. Maybe we should've gone into Port Angeles. There was a pretty decent chance I'd see someone I knew here, and the gossip would spread like wildfire. I looked at Emmett, my eyes silently plead for help. "Maybe we should go somewhere else." I said. "Someone might, you know, see me. See what I'm buying. I'm not ready for the rumor mill just yet."

He pursed his lips in thought. "I'll go. You sit here. Nobody will think twice about me buying a pregnancy test, being the stud that I am and all."

I appreciated both his attempt to lighten the mood, and his willingness to protect my virtue, not that it was worth anything anymore.

"Thank you." I reached over and touched his hand before bringing it back to my lap and stuffing both of my hands under my legs.

He went inside.

* *

I found myself, yet again, worshiping the porcelain god. I was so fucking sick of being so fucking sick. Mom was holding my hair back. Again. I appreciated her doing this for me, time after time, but I was starting to feel guilty for subjecting her to so much puke. It was just plain gross.

Em was standing outside, holding the box. The contents of that box held my destiny. I was terrified of that box.

He tried to hand it to me as I exited the bathroom but I wouldn't take it. I wasn't ready. I told him I didn't need to pee yet just to get him off my back. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when he showed up with a giant glass of ginger ale a few minutes later. He said it was for my stomach, but I knew what he was up to.

Still, the delightfulness of the amber liquid tempted me, and before long I'd drained the glass.

We'd all been gathered in the living room to watch a movie when the urge to pee became too persistent to ignore. I tried to get up all sly-like and pee in secret, but Em was onto me.

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

Shit. "Yeah. Um, thanks for that." Damn observant motherfucker.

So there I was, trying to steady my hands enough to rip the foil package open. It took a few tries before I fished out the white stick with the purple cap. I took a look at those two infamous windows and read the instructions yet again.

_Please, no plus sign. Please, no plus sign._

My brain put my little chant on repeat as I peed on the stick, of course getting a little on my hands, cause, let's face it, my luck had officially turned to shit. The instructions said to read the test within two minutes, but goddamn it, I couldn't have pried my eyes off those little windows if Elvis himself had walked by with Marilyn Monroe riding him piggy back.

A pounding on the door reminded me that I wasn't alone. Not really.

I cleaned myself up a little and then opened it before turning back to the fate stick which rested on the counter.

I held my hand out to Em, seeking his comfort.

He eyed me suspiciously. "Did you wash?"

I rolled my eyes and nodded, and he finally took my hand before we walked back over to the stick of doom. Or joy.

It mocked me from it's countertop perch. I was too afraid to look. "You do it. It'll be easier if I hear it from you."

Em nodded and craned over my head.

I heard him take a deep breath before he squeezed me tight. "We'll figure it out. You won't go through this alone."

Every molecule of oxygen that had been known to me instantly vanished. I was choking, gasping uncontrollably for air. Em scooped me up, carried me to my room, sat me on his lap and rocked me; he tried his best to calm me. Mom came in a moment later, and then she too was hugging me, shushing me, telling me things I could not understand but conveying the sentiment all at once.

My life was over. Over.

* *

I awoke, alone, in a dark room. I didn't remember falling asleep, or even being sleepy. This constant sense of being out of touch with time was really starting to worry me. Somehow I had to do better at that. I could manage that one thing. I hoped.

I found the clock on my dresser and was surprised to find that it was only 9 nine o'clock. Emmett would be up, for sure.

I padded downstairs with my bare feet to find the three of them sitting around the kitchen table looking at old photos.

"I remember that one." Emmett held up a picture of the two of us standing in front of a chestnut horse.

"Me too. As soon as I got on that thing you burped so loud you scared her and she took off."

Three heads snapped towards my direction.

"I did no such thing. I used that burp to cover up the sound of giant slap on the ass I gave her."

I stared at him. Shocked. That horse had scared the living shit outta me. I'd survived though. Jake was with us that day, and he'd run after us and eventually grabbed the horse's reins and calmed it down. I giggled a little, remembering what had to be the total fear on my face.

It seemed my laughter was contagious because, within a few seconds, Em was laughing and so were mom and dad. We laughed so hard and for so long, that tears were streaming down my cheeks, and I could hardly breathe.

"God, I needed that." I said once I'd caught a fraction of a breath.

"Me too." Dad said, his face falling a little too quickly from its previous smile.

"I think we all did." Mom agreed.

And just like that, we were back to serious, but somehow, some of my previous sense of foreboding had dissipated.

* * *

The next few hours slipped by quietly. There wasn't much discussion, but it didn't feel like there was anything going on behind the scenes either. It seemed like we'd reached a bit of a plateau; the reality of the situation was sinking in, but we weren't ready to talk about it yet. Leave it to Em to change all of that.

"So, when are you going to tell him?" He asked out of the blue, over his dish of pasta.

I stared at him, mid-chew. I took the time my full mouth gave me to come up with a half-way decent answer.

"When I decide, I guess. Well, if, ya know, he still needs to know."

Mom's fork dropped out of her hand, clattering onto her plate. "What do you mean, decide? What is there to decide? You aren't considering... ." Her glare finished her sentence for her.

"Well. I, uh, I mean, I guess, I just want to make sure I consider all the options." You could've heard a pin drop _outside_, it was so damn quiet in that kitchen.

"She's got the right to make the decision for herself, mom. The Constitution says so."

"Don't you give me any Constitutional mumbo jumbo, mister." She turned her head back to me now. "I raised you better than that, Isabella Marie Swan. You know the _only_ choice. You made that decision months ago when you had...had...sex with him. That ship has sailed young lady. Now, you need to grow up and deal with it. No more hiding in your room. No more pretending your life has not just changed a whole hell of a lot. Because it has. And Edward or no Edward, it will be tough. It's always tough, even under the best of circumstances, which, I should say, you do not currently have." She took a short breath, calming herself some. "However, I want you to know that you do not have to go it alone. Your family will be here for you. We won't let you fail. We won't let you starve. We won't let your baby go without. We may not have much, but honey, we have each other, and we take care of each other. Your baby is part of this family now. He or she will be loved and cared for."

If I thought I'd cried before, I was wrong.

She came to me and wrapped me in her arms as my body shook, displaying the evidence of the fears I'd been trying to mask. I knew none of us had any answers, but knowing I didn't have to figure it all out by myself helped.

"You still didn't answer my question. You need to tell him, Bella. He needs to know and have a chance to do the right thing."

"And what, exactly, would that be?"

"He needs to be here. He needs to be a man, accept his responsibility and take his role in all this. Every child deserves a father, and as much as I'd like to beat the living shit outta him for what he's done, he deserves to know."

"I'll think about it."

He nodded and, after clearing his dishes, left the room.

He left to go back to school a bit later after stopping by my room to tell me he'd be back the next weekend, not-so-subtly letting me know that, one way or the other, Edward would be told by the next time he left this house. That gave me a week.

I pondered what I wanted Edward's reaction to be. The vast majority of me wanted to hear him say he'd be on the next plane back, that we'd get married and find a crappy apartment somewhere so long as we were together. A smaller, more rational part, said he needed to finish school, preserve hopes for a better career, which would in turn benefit the baby and me. Of course, there was a nagging, vile portion of my brain which feared his rejection. It warned me that he might not agree with the decision to keep the baby, that he wasn't ready, he wasn't willing to make the sacrifices which starting a family so young would be sure to entail. I tried to tamp that part of my brain down, but again and again, it bubbled through.

**Did she make the right decision? What should she do about Edward?**

**Since the next chapter is underway, I'll gladly send out teasers to all reviewers :)**


	9. Technical Malfunctions

**a/n: So I think this update came out a little faster than others, I hope to continue this trend. **

 **There was some concern over Renee's little speech. It was awesome to hear how it struck several of you differently.**

**Thanks as always to Annanabanana for her fabulous beta skills.**

*** * * **

James came over Sunday to pick up our project creature, a guinea pig as it turned out to be. I still didn't know if it was a girl or a boy so I named it Stinker, which seemed appropriate. James was nothing but polite as we discussed how much and how often I'd fed the thing, and how generally odd it smelled.

As usual, it was raining. It had been raining nearly non-stop for days. There were puddles everywhere.

It really wasn't his fault...

I'd been helping James take everything to the car. We'd taken out a batch of stuff when we decided we needed to exchange phone numbers, in case anything came up. So, I set the cage down on the hood of his car to dig the phone out of my pocket. We exchanged phones, each entering our information into the other's phone. I was just finishing adding my details to his phone when mine started to ring. It must've surprised James since he kind of spasmed, flailing his arms out and nearly knocking the cage from the car. Naturally, I dove for it, to protect the little creature from the fall. James reached out, trying to catch it, or me.

It took me a few moments to calm my breathing and my pounding heart. The sudden commotion had really startled me. Once I was calm, I stood up and straightened myself out, happy that I'd saved the little fuzzball. I smiled at James and nodded. "No harm, no foul."

He grimaced and looked at his feet. That's when I noticed it. My phone was enveloped in mud, except for the little part that was smashed against a rock.

"Oh my God." I gasped.

"Bella..." he started, "I'm so sorry. I don't really know what happened. It started to ring, I think, and it surprised me and, well, I really don't know. I'm sorry. I'll buy you a new one."

He offered his hand to me, to shake it, I guess. I reached out and patted it twice before I responded. "Did you happen to see who it was, by chance?"

I was hoping it was Edward, of course. We hadn't spoken in a few days.

He looked at the muddy mess. "No, sorry, I didn't see."

I nodded my head. "Oh well. It was time for a new one anyway I guess."

"I really am sorry, Bella." He took a step towards me and put his hand on my shoulder. It felt weird.

"I know. I'll see you at school tomorrow."

"I meant what I said about buying you a new one. How about if I take this one with me and I'll try to replace it tonight?" He squeezed my shoulder.

"It's really not necessary..." I started. He opened his mouth and shook his head.

"Bella, I will feel like a total asshole if you don't let me fix this. Please."

"I needed a new one anyway." I said, taking a step back.

"Please?" His eyes echoed the plea in his words.

"Okay. If you really want to. Thanks."

"No problem. I'm the jerk that broke it, after all." He laughed.

I nodded my head and smiled. "Alright then, I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow."

"Yep," he said, "And I'll have that replacement there for you."

I walked back to the house and waived goodbye as he drove off.

* *

A few hours later, mom walked into my room with the house phone in her hand and my heart leapt into my throat.

Seeing my reaction, her face fell a bit. "It's your brother," she said.

I took the phone from her. "Hi," I said into the phone.

"Where's your phone? I've been trying to call you, and it's going straight to voice mail."

"Broken," was my only reply. I didn't feel like getting into the whole thing with Emmett. I didn't really understand what had happened, anyway.

"How?" Leave it to Emmett to not take the simple answer.

"It got stepped on and caked with mud." It didn't take a rocket scientist to know what was coming next.

"How the hell did that happen? What were you doing with it?"

"It was an accident. This guy from school was putting his number in it and dropped it or something." I smacked my forehead. That sounded bad. "We had a project!" I yelled out, trying to stop the onslaught of questions that my former statement was sure to spur on.

"Project, huh? Can't you just email? Does he like you or something, ya know like, like you, like you?"

"Don't be stupid. It's this project where we have to take turns taking care of this guinea pig thing. He thought it might be a good idea if we could get ahold of each other if we needed to."

"Uh huh."

Silence.

"Well, did you tell him yet?"

 There was no need for him to clarify the subject of his sentence.

"No. Not yet. I need time, Em."

"You have five days, and then its happening one way or the other."

"I know."

"I love ya, sis. It's for the best."

"I know." He was right. The big lug usually was, much to my chagrin.

"Ok. Have a good day tomorrow. See you Saturday. Call me if you need me. From the home phone, I guess." He laughed.

"Night, Em. Thanks for everything."

"Anytime."

We hung up, and I went to find mom for a nice hug and a mug of tea.

* *

Monday

The nausea had calmed down after I'd read somewhere to never let my stomach become completely empty, so I now had a pack of Ritz crackers in permanent residence on my nightstand, and a granola bar in my backpack. I could only imagine how much weight the constant snacking would pack on.

Or how much the whole _pregnancy_ thing would put on me. Fuck.

It's not like I was ever really concerned about my weight. I was a pretty small girl, but still, no eighteen year old enjoys the thought of putting on twenty or thirty pounds.

Emmett was coming home this weekend, and he'd repeated his threat to me about telling Edward himself if I didn't. So there was no doubt in my mind that it was going to happen this weekend. I just had to decide how. The easiest way would be to call him, but even that wasn't so easy given the timing issues and the fact that he didn't have his own phone yet. Oh, and the fact that my phone was now a small pile of broken plastic and electronics.

The day at school on Monday was nothing new or exciting. I had become accustomed to the fact that neither Edward nor Alice would be there. Angela was there for me to talk to and hang out with; she was pretty much the only person I had left. I surveyed my surroundings, wondering if there were any other friend possibilities. It was slim pickings, at best. Most girls seemed to only care about their appearances, or about what certain boys thought of their appearances; I didn't give a rat's ass about any of that, so I doubted we'd have much common ground. I suspected that any friend I'd make now would abandon me as soon as my- _situation_ became apparent. It seemed better to hunker down and keep to myself.

Adding to my anxiety and newfound sense of loneliness was the fact that I needed to talk to Edward, and I didn't know how he'd take the news. If he chose to hop on a plane to be with me, I'd like to think that I'd try to stop him, but I knew I wouldn't. I missed him too much and was way too scared of everything.

If he rejected, me - us.... Well, I couldn't let myself focus on that possibility. Mom had made it clear to me that I wouldn't be left to face this all completely alone. That knowledge had made such a huge difference on my outlook. I was terrified, yes, but at least I knew we wouldn't go without the basic necessities of life.

After lunch was the first time all day that I'd had a chance to check my email. I logged-on to the server, entered my name and password, and an error message came up. Thinking I'd screwed up my password, I tried again, typing very slowly to make sure each keystroke was accurate. Still nothing. I decided to ask a classmate if they had any trouble as soon as someone came in the room. I reached for my phone to check my email there before remembering that I didn't have my phone. I felt naked being totally disconnected from the internet world. I panicked, what if Edward had found a hotspot and emailed me? Suddenly, I couldn't wait, and I gathered up my things and went to the IT department, well, guy, at school. After waiting for about twenty minutes for him to do whatever it is that IT guys do... he called my name.

"Are you sure you're a student here?" He asked. Seriously.

I barely contained my eye roll. "Of course."

"Did you just enroll?"

"No. I've been here since ninth grade."

"Did you drop out?"

This time I didn't manage to contain the eyeroll. "If I'd dropped out, what the hell would I be doing here? Enjoying the scenery? The spectacular food? The stimulating conversation?"

He glared at me. "Look, miss. I don't know what the problem is, but you're not currently set up on the server. When is the last time you accessed the account?"

My mouth dropped open. Not on the server? What the ...? "I think it was Friday. I don't think I checked it this weekend."

"And you were able to login then?"

"Yes, I had email from teachers and stuff. The usual."

"Well, I can't find the account. I'll set you up a new one, but you will have to let your contacts know the new address. What's your name?"

"Bella"

"Last name?"

"Swan. How the hell am I supposed to inform my contacts if I can't get into my old email account?"

"Just going to have to tell them in person or something, I guess. You're all set up. You should be good to go."

"I see," I said curtly. "Thank you _so much_ for your help."

It did not help matters any that I arrived to class fifteen minutes late and missed a pop quiz. Fan-fucking-tabulous.

James handed me a nearly perfect replacement for my phone first thing Tuesday morning. He apologized for not having it Monday; he said the store had to order one. Even still, it wasn't exactly the same, but it was close enough. Adding to the pile of bad news, apparently my phone had been so damaged that they couldn't transfer my contacts from the old phone to the new phone, so once again I was left without a way to get in touch with people, remaining dependent on them to contact me first. I knew a precious few phone numbers by heart, but really, who memorizes phone numbers anymore? We all have contacts lists and speed dials. I had to ask my mom for Em's number for fuck sake.

The rest of the week sucked. Nothing special to comment on, but it just generally sucked. I recoiled from the sense of foreboding that accompanied Emmett's return this weekend. I still had no idea what to tell Edward. I felt ashamed, like I'd let him down by being too weak or too stupid and allowing myself to become pregnant when neither of us wanted this.

Lucky for me, I had written down the phone number for Edward's hotel on a piece of paper, so, with any luck I'd be able to find that. Or, with a distinct lack of luck - depending on how you looked at it. Even if I could't find the paper, I could find the phone number for the hotel online, so there really was no getting out of that.

With my old reliable email account destroyed, emailing him was out. I didn't know what email address to use anyway, I doubted that he still had his Forks High account. Maybe, but I guessed I'd never know now. Besides, I didn't even know if he'd figured out internet access yet.

So, method of communication down - next, to work on the content.

_Hi Edward! How are you? I'm great.. well, as a matter of fact _we're_ great...._ Too ambushing.

_Edward, there is something very serious I need to tell you. You're going to be a father._ Umm, no.

_Edward, how've you been? I've missed talking to you but I understand how difficult it is to figure it out. Oh, and my phone was destroyed, so if you tried to call me there you couldn't. And..my email account died, so I don't know if you tried to email me, but you couldn't there either. The home number is the same, though. You still have that, right?_ A bit accusatory, but not bad.

Deep down, I knew that however the conversation went, it would be awkward, and it would be difficult. Emmett was right, though, it had to be done. How would I feel if he were keeping some life-altering decision from me?

_* * _

I found the scrap of paper with the hotel's name and number on it and tacked it up on the wall in my room above a framed picture of us on my desk. The couple staring back at me were happy and carefree, together, ecstatic. Boy, time sure did change things. I just had to hope the time and distance hadn't changed _us._

Em graced us with his presence Friday evening, thankfully too tired and hungry to start any shit with me. Besides, I'd already done the math; it was the middle of the night in Italy, so no use even fighting about it.

My luck ran out bright and early Saturday morning. Without bothering to knock, Emmett walked into my room, whistling.

"Morning, mama."

Bastard. I did not acknowledge his presence.

"Playing possum, eh? Let's see how long you can keep that up."

He walked across my room and turned on my stereo. Loud. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter and willed him to leave.

"Gonna make me break out the big guns, huh? Bella, you should just give up now, 'cause I ain't playing nice."

I rolled my eyes inside my eyelids, and saw that weird ball of light tracing the shape of the roll.

Emmett left my room. I sighed in thanks.

Thirty seconds later he was back. A foul aroma wafted over me, turning my stomach immediately. It got closer and closer until I had no choice but to find out what he had done; fully expecting him to be holding a baggie of dog shit.

It was coffee. Motherfucking coffee.

What had once, not too long ago, brought me immense joy now made me want to retch. It was on the list of 'so not fair' things currently making my life miserable.

Satisfied, Emmett picked the mug up and walked to the other side of my room before sitting on the chair by the window and drinking the vile beverage. "I warned ya."

"Is it so wrong to let a pregnant woman sleep in a bit on a Saturday? Do you really feel justified in making me want to puke first thing in the morning?"

 "Weren't you going to puke anyway?"

"Probably," I mumbled.

 "What was that?"

"I said fuck off. What do you want anyway?"

"As if you don't know. I wanted to get this show on the road before it got too late to call over there, with the huge-assed time difference and all."

Luckily, I was semi-prepared for this. "Fine, let me just go to the bathroom and brush my teeth and crap like that and then we'll call."

"Ok, but two things: One, why do you need to brush your teeth to make a phone call? and two: I so didn't need to know that you needed to take a crap."

I rolled my eyes. "I didn't say I needed to _take_ a crap, dipshit. Anyway, leave me alone for like five minutes, okay?"

"Clock's ticking. I'll see you in four minutes and forty-five seconds..."

* *

Four and a half minutes later I made my way down the stairs and found Emmett waiting by the kitchen phone.

"I didn't bring the number with me, and as you know my phone is a pile of rubble, so this may not happen," I said.

"Oh it's going to happen. I saw the written down number on your wall upstairs, I'll get it, you just...well, whatever." He went upstairs.

I hunted around in the fridge for something to settle my stomach, settling on an english muffin and a glass of milk. I hadn't been a huge milk drinker before a few weeks ago, but now it seemed to suit me. Weird.

It didn't work. Butterflies had taken up residence in my stomach, more like pterodactyls, from the feel of it. I was not looking forward to this. Not at all.

Emmett came back, strip of newsprint in his hand. "First of all," he began, "I want you to know that I stopped to enter this number into my cell, and then I left my cell upstairs, so don't go getting any ideas about throwing this down the garbage disposal to avoid this, cause it won't work."

He was good. I hadn't even thought of that.

"Second, have you decided what to tell him?"

I shook my head. "I'm just going to have to play it by ear, work through it as best I can."

He hugged me tightly, kissed the top of my head and then handed me the phone. "Let's do this!"

I wished I could be one quarter as excited.

Slowly I began punching in the mile-long stream of numbers before I fucked it up and had to start again. Three tries later, I'd finally gotten them all punched in correctly. There were a few moments of silence as the overseas call connected. I hadn't tried to call him since the time Emmett took over and left the message with the hotel guy for me, so this was a new experience. It seemed like it took forever before I heard an unfamiliar tone on the line, which I figured was the European version of the ring I was used to.

"_Pronto_" the strange voice on the phone began, before prattling on further, I heard a word I presumed to be his name in there somewhere. I hadn't really factored in that I'd have to figure out how to communicate in Italian before now.

My heart was beating much faster than normal. "Hello. English?"

"_Si_, yes, how can I help you?" The man spoke clearly, although with a thick accent.

"I'd like to speak with a guest, Edward Cullen." My heart was going to break through my rib cage at any moment now. I looked to Emmett in a panic, and he started to rub my shoulders gently.

"Ahh, singore Cullen yes, I'm sorry he is not here."

Disappointment started to creep its way in. "Ok, can I leave a message for him?"

"I'm sorry, miss, but no. They have left us. Two days ago."

Left? And not given me the new information?

"Do you know how I can reach him?" My eyes began to sting with tears.

"I do not, but they do still receive some posts here, I expect they will check again. I don't know if that will help you."

Neither did I, but at this point, the hotel was my only way to try to connect with him. I signaled to Emmett that I needed writing supplies. He looked at me curiously before retrieving a pizza menu and a pencil.

I took them from him gratefully. "Ok," I started, "I'm ready."

The nice Italian man spelled every word for me before we got off the phone.

"He's not there anymore," I told Emmett. "Gone. Two days ago. I can mail something to the hotel because they're still getting some mail there, and the man said he thinks they'll be by to pick up again."

Emmett nodded thoughtfully. "Well, I guess you'd better get to writing, then. It takes a long time to get mail overseas, you don't want to miss their stopping by."

"Why didn't he call me, let me know?"

Emmett looked at me sadly. "Your phone was busted, as was your email, maybe he tried."

I hoped he was right as I grabbed the pen Emmett offered me. Writing an actual letter seemed so much more formal than other methods of communication.

_Dear Edward,_

_I hope you are well._ I stalled, having no clue as to how to do this.

I started over.

_Edward,_

_I miss you, and hope you are okay. It's been awhile since we talked last, and now the hotel person told me that you're not staying there but are still getting some mail. I hope this letter makes it to you since I don't know how else to reach you._

_I don't know if you've tried calling, but my phone got destroyed and my email crashed too. _

_Edward, there is ..._ Well, it was a good start. I chewed on the end of my pen, lost in thought.

_...something I wish I could talk to you about in person. Talking on the phone would be better than this, because I'd really like to be able to talk to you about something but since that doesn't seem possible, here goes nothing._

_I'm pregnant. I don't know how it happened, well...I don't know __why__ anyway. It might've had something to do with how long I'd been on the pill before we, well, you know._

_I know we're young. It wasn't planned or expected or necessarily wanted, but it's here. My mind is filled with daydreams of a little girl with green eyes, her brown hair trailing through the wind as you push her on a swing, or sometimes of an adorable ruddy haired little boy on a slide at the park, and I love this child already. I know there are options. For me, for this child made out of love, I can't fathom letting it go._

_My family has told me that they will support me, us. That helps alot because I don't know what I'd do without them._

 _I've made my decision. I understand that you need to make your own decision, and I don't fault you for whatever you choose do to. Of course I want you to be here, of course I want you to be involved, but most of all I want you to be happy. _

_I'll love you forever. Unconditionally._

_Bella_

**a/n**

**Surprised? Let me know and I'll send out another teaser for chapter 10. As always, I love to hear your reactions and thoughts and I promise to respond to everyone (with a teaser!).**


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